Ouch, Said Accountability

When someone criticizes me–even if it’s constructive–I can feel my walls going up, my heart putting on its protective gear.

But sometimes we need to hear this stuff, as hard as it may be.

Just the other day, I had a tough conversation with someone close to me. Some valid points were made and needed to be said, but I’ll admit–it hurt like hell to hear them.

My initial reaction was to defend myself, which I did for a bit. When our talk was over, I was left to choke on the feedback I had received. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard.

I decided to go for a drive to process things. I was angry and confused. Was what they said true?

I called some friends for prayer AND because I knew they would co-sign my stuff. I wanted them to tell me that it was an exaggeration. I wanted them to tell me that is wasn’t true–but they didn’t answer.

In between sobs, the Word of God spoke to my heart through worship music. As painful as it was to fully engage with my feelings, I knew I was supposed to be in this exact place. I wasn’t meant to lean on or be comforted by anyone except for God.

What usually follows an episode like this is a big-old butt-kicking of my own doing and guilt for days. Instead, I felt this odd peace and conviction-not guilt-conviction. At that moment, I knew the feedback I had received was accurate. The messenger loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but we are called to hold each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ.

I chose to leave my pride at the cross and accept this as a growth opportunity. There was no booty kicking or guilt to speak of.

I know that God loves me as is, but I also know that He wants me to continue growing–and this was an opportunity to do so.

It’s in those times of deep sadness and pain that chains have been broken in my life. And in those times God has never left my side.

Who is helping you maintain accountability in your walk?