This past week it felt like someone tied me up, put tape over my mouth, and made me sit in a corner, forcing me to watch my life as a spectator.
When my mental health is compromised, I feel so disconnected from my life. One moment, I feel like a robotic sociopath, numbness permeating my entire being. The next, I feel like a raging lunatic, ready to take on whoever looks at me wrong. It makes no sense, but it feels real.
It’s a straight-up battle in my mind.
Negative thoughts and false beliefs come with fists swinging. Luckily, I’m prepared. Armor blocks the unhealthy thoughts, the truth slaying them on the spot.
I still FEEL crappy.
The thoughts still come.
Yet, TRUTH keeps me grounded. My identity remains impenetrable.
There have been times I’ve wanted to introduce myself this way, just to get it out of the way. My anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies come up when I talk about my faith with unbelievers.
I want people to like me for who I am, regardless of my beliefs. I don’t want to be lumped into a category of people that have misrepresented his name. Besides that, once you mention the name of Jesus an automatic line is drawn in the sand.
I’m placing the fear of opinions above my faith
This is not in alignment with who I claim to be.
No one likes to be judged. We all want to be seen and accepted for who we are as people, not by our choices or preferences. But the truth is we’ve all judged and been judged in one way or another.
Then there’s Jesus. The one who sees all my faults and mistakes. He knows my history of disdain towards him, yet he dies for me. I spit on him, brutally attack him and mock him, yet he dies for me.
How can I be ashamed of the one who gave his life for me, for the one who solidified my own personal “I am.”
I am making a decision;
I will not be ashamed
I can’t talk the talk and not walk it. I need to walk it. I WANT to.
I need to make sure that I’m keeping it real, which for me means not shying away from speaking about the one who saved me from myself. With that being said, I’m not trying to convert you (well maybe a little) when I talk about him. He is just so much a part of my life, I can’t NOT talk about him. It wouldn’t be authentic.
Now that I have made this choice, it seems appropriate to give him a proper shout out:
