Category: Thought Life

Depression, Hormones, Identity, Thought Life, Uncategorized

3 Ways The Enemy Attacks Our Identity During The Already Dreadful Time Of PMS, And How To Deal With It.

Jaime

PMS sucks. The rage, anxiety, irritability, and depression can take you down. As if that’s not enough, we have the added layer of feeling terrible about ourselves for what we’ve said or done during this time in our cycle. This is where the enemy gets a foothold.

Self-Deprecation

Our inner critic sneaks up on us, starting with a whisper and getting louder through the day. Your attitude spirals into a negative space, especially about yourself.

“Nice move, idiot. Why did you say that? Why did you do that? What were you thinking?”

Shame 

After a meltdown or explosion of emotions (usually towards the people you love most), you don’t just feel bad about your actions but about who you are as a person, leading to “I am” statements: 

“I am terrible. I am a disappointment. I am worthless.”

Guilt

Not attacking your personhood but continuously reminding yourself of what you’ve said and done—difficulties forgiving yourself even after others have already forgiven you. 

“Remember what happened yesterday? Remember how you freaked out? Remember how you thought you were a “good Christian” but acted demon-possessed?”

All the tactics above involve how we think and talk to ourselves, and it’s during these vulnerable times when we are most at risk for spiritual attack.

Here are some proactive tips to plan for that fun time of the month:

Track your cycle

I used to get caught off guard when my mind would go south, but once I started tracking my cycle, I could anticipate this vulnerable time and plan ahead. They have all sorts of apps for this, or you can follow it on your Google calendar, which I do.

Be aware of the company you keep

The people in our lives can trigger certain feelings about ourselves. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people who speak life over you. Hang with the negative Nancy’s another time.

Fill Your Mind with Truth

-Read the word

-Listen to worship music or Christian podcasts

-Watch sermons 

Proactively doing these things will keep your mind focused so you know it’s not the truth when your thoughts, emotions, or the enemy spit lies at you.

Why does this matter?

The enemy wants nothing more than to convince us that we are not who God says we are. But, we need to understand that nothing (our actions, words, explosions, meltdowns, feelings, thoughts, or what anyone else says about you) will EVER change that. 

Our Part is:

-To acknowledge our humanity. 

-Ask for forgiveness when we mess up.

-Accept the gift of grace we’ve been given. Jesus’ death on the cross solidifies our identity, which means we are forever Daughters of the King.

What do you struggle most with during PMS, and what steps will you incorporate during your next cycle?

Dependence on God, Thought Life, Uncategorized

“You Know You Want To”

Jaime

“You know you want to,” it whispers.

“It’s not like you’re doing anything wrong.”

“You’re allowed to look and think about it/him/her.”

“No one has to know.”

“Aren’t you curious?”

The Voice of Temptation

It speaks my language

Knows my weaknesses

Appeals to my senses

The Voice of Temptation

Brings up my past

Deludes my thoughts

Blurs my vision

The Voice of Temptation

Spits lies

Is convincing

Wants me to engage my flesh

The Voice of God

“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

The Voice of God

“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

The Voice of God

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

It’s time to make a choice.

Flesh vs. Spirit

What’s it gonna be?

Stay awake and pray so that you won’t enter into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Matthew 26:41

Attitude, Mental Health, Support, Thought Life

Ways To Refocus Our Minds On God

Jaime

My peace starts dissipating as I watch the news. My focus on the ever-flipping changes in the world incites worry and doubt. If I don’t switch modes, my thoughts will spiral down a road of hopelessness.

If you’ve lived in this world over the past year, you’ve likely experienced some of the following;

Isolation

Loneliness

Depression

Anxiety/Worry

Insecurity (as a nation)

Doubt

Whatever your experience has been, I’d like to validate it. It’s been a challenging year!

This is why we need to be diligent in refocusing our minds. Remembering, that as believers, even though we live IN the world, we are called not to be OF it.

How do we do this?

By focusing on the NEVER-changing Word of God.

Let’s talk about Ephesians 4:21-24

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy.” 

This passage gives valuable information on how we can refocus our attention on God.

I highlighted some “power” words in the passage because they speak to what WE ought to be doing. Our relationship with God is a two-way street, which means that we have a responsibility to make these things work.

21: We have HEARD the Gospel = We KNOW what it says. 

21 -22: We have LEARNED that truth comes from God = You no longer have to live like you used to (old nature; worry, doubt, trusting in the ways of the world). His ways are now our ways.

23: LET the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes = DON’T conform to the ways of the world. You have the Holy Spirit within you and that power WILL help align your thoughts and attitudes with Gods (because it’s his will for you)

24: PUT on your new nature = Choose God’s way of living in the world.

Okay, but what does this look practically?

  1. Staying in the Word. Knowing what it says. If you’re struggling with something specific (i.e., loneliness, anxiety), read and memorize passages that speak about these things.
  2. Allocating specific times to watch the news and engage on social media. Then shutting it down.
  3. Reminding yourself that your thoughts and feelings are not truth.
  4. Actively seeking a support system of like-minded individuals to hold you accountable to the safe-guards you set in place.

We need to SEEK & CHOOSE his Kingdom every day so that the world we live in doesn’t take us down, because it will.

What is one thing you can do today to refocus your attention on God?

Dependence on God, Mental Health, Thought Life, Uncategorized

How To Cope During Times Of Uncertainty

Jaime

I have never been one to handle uncertainty well.

When my youngest son came down with RSV (a respiratory virus), it was one of the scariest times of my life. He went from being a healthy three-month-old to almost being placed on a ventilator. I had no control over the situation. During a time that was already stressful, I was adding fuel to the fire by allowing my thoughts to run free.

When stressful events happen, we tend to play out scenarios in our heads. Here are some ways we do so;

“What If” thinking:
Ruminating all possible outcomes of a situation (i.e., what if my baby is brain-damaged, what if I had brought him in sooner)?

Predicting/Assuming:
Thinking that you know what will happen in a specific situation
(i.e., he’s going to have respiratory issues forever).

Catastrophizing:
Thinking the worst
(i.e., my baby is going to die).

These are the mechanisms we use as an attempt to control situations that are beyond our control. The two culprits driving our thoughts? Fear and Anxiety. Unfortunately, these ways of thinking often cause us to behave or react in ways that aren’t always helpful to us or those around us, yet, they are normal human responses.

The good news; we don’t have to camp in these thought patterns. We can train our minds to think differently. Here are some examples;

“What If”

“What if my son is brain-damaged?”
Response: “God will give you the strength to deal with it.”

Predicting/Assuming;
“I just know he’s going to suffer from respiratory issues from this day forward.”
Response: “And, if he does – like everything else in our life – we will deal with it and educate him on how to deal with it.”

Catastrophizing;
“He’s going to die.”
Response: “No matter the outcome, I trust God. He knows and sees the entire picture. I can do anything with Him by my side.

What is your go-to way of thinking during times of uncertainty?

Identity, Thought Life, Uncategorized

How To Let Go Of Control

Jaime

Lately, I’ve been obsessing about my physical appearance. I got new make-up (was way too excited when it arrived) and just made another purchase last night. I’ve also wanted a new wardrobe (even though I hardly leave my house these days).

I truly thought I was focusing on appearance, but then I realized it’s not about what I look like (well, maybe a little). It’s my way of managing things when I feel powerless in other areas of my life.

Control gives the illusion of security and safety. It might make us feel better in the moment but ultimately ends up confusing our priorities and choices. If we take the layer of control away, we often see that there are deeper issues involved.

What steps can we take to become less controlling?

  1. Awareness

 Identify the situations you find yourself being controlling.

Some might be;

-house needs to be clean

–appearance needs to be flawless

-need to do it all (perfect mom, wife, employee)

-relationships (boyfriend, husband, kids)

If you are having a hard time pinpointing areas;

-ask someone close to you what they see (others can oftentimes see things that we can’t).

-ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these areas in your life.

2. Need

What is underneath the behavior? What is this control fulfilling? 

There is something you are getting from it. Some examples of underlying needs;

-self-esteem, insecurity (i.e., feeling “good enough”)

-anxiety (i.e., predictability, stability)

-trust (i.e., protection from being hurt)

3. Choice

Ask yourself; are these behaviors working for me?

If not, start with changing one (only one) of the situations you’ve identified. Your flesh will fight you on this, but it’s about training your mind and not allowing your feelings to run the show, especially when you’re uncomfortable (and you will be at the beginning).

4. Pray

-for the strengthening of your mind

-for increased faith and trust in God (in general and in the specific situations you are working on)

-for wisdom as you move forward with the process.

I highly encourage getting an accountability partner. It’s hard to do this stuff on our own. If you can’t think of someone, feel free to contact me, and I can help.

Where do you struggle with control the most?

Attitude, Thought Life

How To Persevere When Discouraged

Jaime

It’s hard to persevere when you’re not getting the results you had hoped for.

I’ve been writing for a while now. My goals have shifted more than once over the years (aspiring author, speaker, life coach), but, at this point, I kind of expected to be further along than I am, which can be discouraging at times.

I get caught up in the number game; followers, engagements, likes, and any other validation around being an influencer. I start comparing my brand aesthetics and overall content with other bloggers who are more “popular.” It can easily lead me to question my purpose.

We set goals with the intention of meeting them. When we realize that we are not meeting them or that there might be a chance of failure, we think about throwing in the towel (or do). “Might as well opt out now before we fail for real.”

We need measurable goals to determine outcomes, and there may come a time when we need to concede (I’m so not there yet), but we also need to remember the “why” behind our goals and desires. Our why is our driving force.

I loathed myself for many years and spent so much time and energy searching for identity and wholeness. I don’t want ANYONE to ever feel this way about themselves. THIS is my why.

So tell me, what’s yours?

Attitude, Dependence on God, Thought Life

Never Say Never

Jaime

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I could never __ “(fill in the blank)?

In a season of not being able to get pregnant, I watched a reality show about a woman going through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). At one point, she ended up in the hospital due to complications. I remember thinking, “I could never go through that. The mental and physical demands would kill me.”

Little did I know a few years later I’d be going through it, not once but four times! This is the moment where my “I could never” switched to “heck yeah I can!”

We set ourselves up for failure before even trying. Fears convince us of the impossibilities. Our feelings and thoughts attempt to rule our lives, but the truth is, they don’t have as much power as we give them credit for.

We CAN do hard things regardless of what our thoughts and feelings are communicating, especially when God has our back.

The next time you find yourself saying, “I could never…”

  1. Challenge it. Ask why?
  2. Take inventory – (remember the hard things you’ve done in the past).
  3. Flip It – (“I can do anything that God has called me to”).
  4. Fill your mind with truth – (read scriptures about overcoming fear and being strengthened in Christ).
  5. Support – (find people to encourage you along the way. Accountability will help you move forward)

What is your, “I could never?”

Attitude, Dependence on God, Mental Health, Thought Life

What If There Was More To Suffering Than Meets The Eye?

Jaime

Do you enjoy suffering? If you had three wishes, would they be pain, distress, and hardship? I’m not a mind reader, but I think the answer would be a hard NO.

If I had to explain my feelings about having a mental illness, I’d compare it to kale; I hate it, I don’t want it, it’s gross (in my opinion). Yet, it’s good for me (stay with me). AND if you blend it with some pineapple, yogurt, bananas, and honey, it’s not so bad.

Focusing on the suckiness of my illness kept me in dark places, but through reading God’s Word and studying the topic of suffering, my perspective started to shift. He revealed to me that there was a purpose behind the pain.

I am a strong-willed, stubborn girl, and God knows that. He knew which path would build my character and prepare me for his purposes. My suffering has not been wasted. God has transformed my afflictions into encouragement for others.

Even though I still wouldn’t raise my hand for more pain, I do understand that sometimes it takes pain to help us on the journey of becoming who we are meant to be.

After all, God is in the business of blending burdens into blessings.

How has the path of suffering served you or others?

Attitude, Thought Life

What If?

Jaime

I recently watched the movie “The Way Back.” A man struggling with alcoholism gets an opportunity to coach a boy’s basketball team, leading him on a path of recovery and healing.

The first part would have you believe that his addiction ruined his life, but as the story unfolds, you learn that one year prior, his 10-year-old son died of cancer.

“No wonder he’s drinking like he is,” I said to myself, my initial judgment switching to empathy.

First impressions are usually the tip of the iceberg. Our hurts, hang-ups, and baggage are what floats beneath the surface. There is a reason people are the way they are.

It’s unrealistic for us to get to know everyone’s story, but there is a way to incorporate empathy for others. Want to know how?

By asking the question, “what if?”

The next time you find yourself having an opinion about someone (we all do), ask yourself some questions:

What if her husband died in a car accident?

What if their dad used to beat them?

What if he was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer?

You get it, right?

Do you have any thoughts on what might help increase empathy towards others?

Attitude, Thought Life

My Bad

Jaime

Do you know the verse in Romans where Paul speaks about not understanding himself? He wants to do what is right but doesn’t do it. Instead, he does what he hates (Romans 7:15).

I can relate.

It’s time to pick up the kiddos from school. I do so at the turnaround. Upon arrival, parked cars fill the circular driveway. I get in line, taking my place behind the last of the vehicles on the street.

The train of cars starts moving forward. All of a sudden, a car pulls in front of me, taking her place in line. “Seriously,” I mouth. Anger rises, yet I choose to practice what I do when someone cuts me off, giving them the benefit of the doubt;

“Maybe she’s late for an appointment OR, it might be her first time at the turnaround (which can be confusing if you’ve never been).” I let it go and continue inching up until I reach the driveway.

Once in the circle, you are encouraged to pull all the way up and around to speed up the pick-up process. Well, the same car stops near the curb in the middle of the circle. I decide to go around her (remembering it might be her first time), at which time she moves forward, giving me a dirty look for trying to pass her.

So, what did I do?

I threw my car in park, in the middle – of the middle – of the turnaround, hastily exiting my car to approach hers, to give her the 411 on how the process works. Long story short, she dissed me.

I took a deep breath, got back in my car, grabbed the kids, and left.

I don’t strive to be perfect, BUT I do strive to be respectful and loving towards others. So, to the lady at the turnaround, I want to apologize for coming at you like that.

I don’t want anger getting the best of me (yet it runs deep). Paul was right; the struggles between flesh and spirit are real.

What’s your experience been like between the flesh and spirit?