Tag: drawn

Identity

Not Ashamed

Jaime

Hi, my name is Jaime and I love Jesus.

There have been times I’ve wanted to introduce myself this way, just to get it out of the way. My anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies come up when I talk about my faith with unbelievers.

I want people to like me for who I am, regardless of my beliefs. I don’t want to be lumped into a category of people that have misrepresented his name. Besides that, once you mention the name of Jesus an automatic line is drawn in the sand.

I’m placing the fear of opinions above my faith

This is not in alignment with who I claim to be.

No one likes to be judged. We all want to be seen and accepted for who we are as people, not by our choices or preferences. But the truth is we’ve all judged and been judged in one way or another.

Then there’s Jesus. The one who sees all my faults and mistakes. He knows my history of disdain towards him, yet he dies for me. I spit on him, brutally attack him and mock him, yet he dies for me.

How can I be ashamed of the one who gave his life for me, for the one who solidified my own personal “I am.”

I am making a decision;

I will not be ashamed

I can’t talk the talk and not walk it. I need to walk it. I WANT to.

I need to make sure that I’m keeping it real, which for me means not shying away from speaking about the one who saved me from myself. With that being said, I’m not trying to convert you (well maybe a little) when I talk about him. He is just so much a part of my life, I can’t NOT talk about him. It wouldn’t be authentic.

Now that I have made this choice, it seems appropriate to give him a proper shout out:

Give me a J….

Give me an E…

Give me an S…

Give me a U…

Give me an S…

What’s that spell?

JESUS!!! hoots and haws in the background.

What fears stand in the way of your truth?

Attitude, Thought Life

But I Want To

Jaime

The food we eat affects our state of mind and overall health. In order to be fit and healthy, we need to eat well. I’ve realized over time that the same goes for my spiritual and emotional well being.

I started watching a new television series about the struggles of young adults. It has lots of explicit content.

I know what my own personal struggles and temptations are and often try to stay away from content that feeds the beasts. This show is not healthy for me to watch, yet I’m drawn to it.

The things we watch affect our minds and hearts

This is not a “though shall not” thing, more of a “this stuff seeps into my mind and heart” thing.

I’ve come to realize that my mind and heart are not always dependable when it comes to decision making. I can manipulate myself into thinking anything is right for me if I want to.

I am good at rationalizing things. For instance, I want to author books for young adults. I’d also like to mentor young women. This show could potentially help me to understand what it’s like to live as a young woman in this day and age. Therefore, its research. Boom!

I can’t undo the things I’ve seen and heard. They have played a part in my life in one way or another. Adding more length to the reel doesn’t serve me well…

But I want to watch it.

This is where I have to make a choice.

We can’t undo what we’ve seen

Will I submit to my fleshly desires and continue watching? Am I willing to accept the consequences? Do I want to regress to former ways of thinking and old patterns of behaviors?

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I do know what’s best for me, but I don’t always choose that route.

What’s your “But I want to?”