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Identity

Unloveable

Jaime

Have you ever felt unworthy of love?

There is a story about two sisters; the younger one (Rachel) is smoking hot (my interpretation). The other (Leah), not so much. A man named Jacob comes on the scene, instantly falling in love with Rachel. On the night he is supposed to marry her, the father of the bride tricks Jacob, giving him Leah to be his wife (not exactly sure how this went down other than total darkness and intoxication playing a part).

Hubby is pissed off, rightly so. Wifey doesn’t feel desired by him. She knows that he has eyes for her sister.

God saw that Leah was unloved, so He enabled her to have children. After bearing 6 of them, she thought for sure her husband would love her, but she never felt this from him.

This story reminds me of how often we base our worth on the opinions of others. Our experiences and interactions throughout our lives can cause us to internalize the message, “I’m unloveable.”

I was “Team Leah,” hoping she’d be fully seen and known by Jacob, but it didn’t work out that way. But God, God saw her and loved her so much. He blessed her by having her offspring play an intricate part in the 12 tribes of Israel, not to mention one of them being in the lineage of Jesus.

God is so in love with you. If you ever find yourself questioning your worth or how loved you are, I hope you’ll remember this;

You were worth dying for.

Repeat After Me: “I am loved”

Attitude, Love

What’s Your Love Language?

Jaime

My love language is “words of affirmation.” My husbands are “acts of service” and “physical touch.”

When he tells me I’m doing a good job (at whatever it may be), my tail starts to wag. I feel loved and appreciated. But if I affirm him with words, it doesn’t have the same effect. I’m not speaking his language.

Putting gas in his car, rolling out the trash, rubbing his back; these things make him feel loved. These are not unrealistic expectations, yet I struggle with them. I can be straight-up lazy, and I enjoy my own dance space.

When I don’t get what I need, I get crabby and start copping resentments. Then he gets annoyed because his needs aren’t being met. It’s a sucky self-centered cycle.

God usually steps in, renewing my mind to a perspective that is not self-seeking, but sacrificial. And you know what? When I choose to speak fluently in his language (even if I’m still not feeling it), I’m almost always blessed by it. I can’t really explain it, other than a supernatural feeling of contentment and joy.

Our greatest command is to love one another. Who better to practice on than the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

What is your love language?

Attitude, Love, Thought Life

I Lust You

Jaime

Love:

-an intense feeling of deep affection.

-a great interest and pleasure in something.

Lust:

– to have an intense sexual desire or need.

– an intense longing.

I’ve been “in lust” many times, often thinking it was love. All my lustful thoughts and feelings started with the phrase “I want.” Once I met the man who would eventually become my husband, the “I want” sentiment remained. Wasn’t there supposed to be a difference between the two?

Both definitions (received from Google and Merriam-Webster Dictionary) appear to be all about me. My desires, my needs, my interests, my pleasure.

No wonder my relationships didn’t work!

If my needs weren’t met, I’d leave. If I was no longer physically attracted to my partner, it was over (I was quite shallow and still can be). The interesting thing; the world encouraged this.

God flips the script, telling us that love is not self-serving, but quite the opposite. It’s about sacrifice and service. It’s not a feeling. It’s a choice. I have to choose my husband each day. Sometimes it’s a piece of cake, others, not so much.

When my feelings and thoughts communicate something different than the truth of God’s Word and His definition of love, I know it ain’t right. My part; commitment, willingness, selflessness (ouch), honesty, vulnerability, and last but not least, seeking love from the source Himself.

How do you know the difference between lust and love?

Love

Love Don’t Cost A Thing

Jaime

Have you ever heard the song “Love Don’t Cost A Thing?” I’m singing it as I write this. As much as I like the song, it’s just not true.

A newly married couple finds out the wife has cancer. Instead of enjoying their new life together, hubby takes a leave of absence at work to care for his sick wife.

“Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”

A single mother works three jobs to support her children. She hardly sees them due to providing for their basic needs.

“Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”

A young girl has sex for the first time. She thought her boyfriend loved her. Soon after, the boyfriend dumps her and is with someone else.

“Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”

A man is stripped naked, beaten beyond recognition, humiliated, and nailed to a cross. Why?

Because he loves us.

And…

LOVE COST HIM EVERYTHING.

Who in your life has sacrificed for you? In what ways can you show appreciation to them?

Identity, Thought Life

Flip It

Jaime

Did you know that tomorrow is “opposite day?” I didn’t realize this was a thing.

To celebrate, I was hoping you’d be down for a little experiment. Let me explain before I scare you away.

Our thoughts often create our reality, and many times they are untrue statements. Increased awareness of what we think allows us to identify false beliefs, stop them in their tracks, and replace them with truth. Here’s an example;

Limiting thought: “I messed up again; I’m so stupid.”

Flip It: “Nope, we are not going there. Yes, you messed up, but you’re not stupid. You are learning, AND this mess up doesn’t define you.”

Make Sense?

Over the next 24 hours (starting at midnight), I’m encouraging you to keep track of your thoughts. When unhealthy, self-defeating, untrue thoughts pass by (because they will), challenge them, flip em and counteract.

But how do I know what is true, you might be asking?

What God says about us is true. Test all thoughts against His Word. If it doesn’t match up, slay that thought with your pink sparkly sword. Oh, wait, that’s mine.

Let’s Do This!

Happy Opposite Day!

What thoughts of yours could use some flipping?

Attitude, Identity, Thought Life

It’s Not Me, It’s Them

Jaime

The world is full of broken people. I’m one of them.

Genocide, Human Trafficking, Homelessness, Politics. Watching the news for any length of time shows this reality. It’s easy to point fingers and blame others for the condition of our world, but do we ever think about our contribution?

“But I’m a good person,” I’d tell myself as I stole money from dad’s wallet. “If I didn’t have this drug habit, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

“But I’m a good person,” I’d reason while fooling around with someone’s boyfriend. “I’m deserving of love and attention too.”

“And anyway, I volunteer at a crisis center and work in a group home, so it balances things out. It’s not like I’m hurting anybody.” Talk about a screwy way of thinking.

Being so focused on my needs and desires, I genuinely convinced myself that my choices didn’t affect others. Isn’t this what we do? We rationalize and justify our behaviors and decisions.

This post is not meant to elicit feelings of guilt or shame but rather to encourage an honest look at our part in things. Our perceptions, assumptions, past experiences, egos, pride, and lots of other things drive our choices. 

“We” are not the problem, but the truth is, we all contribute to the brokenness of this world. The harsh reality is that this world is getting worse, but we, as individuals and disciples of Christ, are called to be a light in the broken places. 

How?

  • Be humble (talking to myself here). We don’t always need to be right.
  • Be respectful, regardless of others’ opinions or beliefs.
  • Self-Inventory. Keep track of your thoughts. Where do they come from? How are they steering your decisions (even in the little things)?
  • Keep your side of the street clean. Regardless of what anyone else is doing or saying, do what God is calling you to do or be.
  • Love Hard! It’s not easy but needed.
  • Keep your eyes fixed on what’s to come. This is not the finale.

Would you pray with me?

Lord, please help us by shining a light into the dark places of our minds and hearts. Use us as you please for your purposes, until you come back and fix all brokenness once and for all. Amen.

Identity

Who Do You Think You Are?

Jaime

I think it’s about time we stop letting the world define us. So here goes:

You are not your roles at home or work.

You are not your decisions.

You are not your mistakes or failures.

You are not your thoughts or emotions.

You are not what others say about you.

You are not what you say about yourself.

You are not your circumstances.

You are not your diagnosis.

You are not your perceptions.

You are not your past.

You are not your talents or gifts.

You are not your success or financial status.

You, are not who you think you are.

You are a child of God. Period.

Attitude

Don’t Kick Your Booty In The New Year

Jaime

The new year offers a clean slate. Goals have been reevaluated, and the past is behind us. Some love this time of year; others feel pressured to do and be better.

I no longer make resolutions. I’d go strong until day 13 and then fall back into former habits and routines. This led to hardcore personal booty kicking, followed by a pity party with bubbles of shame and guilt.

Does this mean that we shouldn’t set goals for ourselves? Nope. It’s important to set goals and be intentional in our lives, plus it feels good to start fresh, BUT let’s not beat ourselves up if we don’t end up meeting our unusually high self-imposed expectations.

Instead;

  • Get back on the goal horse (is that even a thing?). Every day is a new opportunity to start again.
  • Pray. Ask God if the goals you’ve set are the ones He wants for you. If you are in alignment with His will for your life, you’ll have His supernatural power backing you up (not saying it will be easy).
  • Be gentle with yourself. Life is hard enough without you kicking your own booty.

So go ahead and have that word for the year. Set those goals, be intentional. But remember, the outcome doesn’t and can’t ever change who you are.

Are you a fan of the new year or one who feels pressured by it?

Attitude

Don’t Be A Turkey

Jaime

A turkey sits on a platter at the dining room table, surrounded by yummy side dishes.

“I just love being the center of attention,” says turkey. “You side dishes would be nothing without me.”

“You look marvelous,” mashed potatoes whispers softly to sweet potatoes.

“Why, thank you. The marshmallows really bring out my sweetness.”

“Really?” gobbles turkey. “You know that you are competing against each other, being that you are both potatoes?”

“I hope I get to sit next to stuffing today,” green beans crunches excitedly.

“That’s nice of you to say string beans,”stuffing humbly replies. “I’m a little crispy this time around, so that fluffed me up a bit.”

“She’s coming!” jiggles the cranberry sauce.

The host picks up the platter of turkey and disappears into another room. “So long suckers,” says turkey on it’s way out.

“Why is the turkey so mean?” gurgles the gravy. “He never acknowledges me.”

The family starts to gather around the table when a loud crash from the kitchen distracts them. “Everything okay in there?” someone asks.

The host reappears empty-handed, wearing a long face. “I dropped the turkey.”

“Lucky for us, we have ham.” One of the guests comes alongside the host with a beautifully cooked ham.

“Yay!” the side dishes cheer. “We love ham!”

Don’t be a turkey.

Mental Health, Thought Life

Compromised Mind

Jaime

This past week it felt like someone tied me up, put tape over my mouth, and made me sit in a corner, forcing me to watch my life as a spectator.

When my mental health is compromised, I feel so disconnected from my life. One moment, I feel like a robotic sociopath, numbness permeating my entire being. The next, I feel like a raging lunatic, ready to take on whoever looks at me wrong. It makes no sense, but it feels real. 

It’s a straight-up battle in my mind.

Negative thoughts and false beliefs come with fists swinging. Luckily, I’m prepared. Armor blocks the unhealthy thoughts, the truth slaying them on the spot.

I still FEEL crappy.

The thoughts still come.

Yet, TRUTH keeps me grounded. My identity remains impenetrable.

What battles have challenged your identity?