Tag: control

Identity, Thought Life, Uncategorized

How To Let Go Of Control

Jaime

Lately, I’ve been obsessing about my physical appearance. I got new make-up (was way too excited when it arrived) and just made another purchase last night. I’ve also wanted a new wardrobe (even though I hardly leave my house these days).

I truly thought I was focusing on appearance, but then I realized it’s not about what I look like (well, maybe a little). It’s my way of managing things when I feel powerless in other areas of my life.

Control gives the illusion of security and safety. It might make us feel better in the moment but ultimately ends up confusing our priorities and choices. If we take the layer of control away, we often see that there are deeper issues involved.

What steps can we take to become less controlling?

  1. Awareness

 Identify the situations you find yourself being controlling.

Some might be;

-house needs to be clean

–appearance needs to be flawless

-need to do it all (perfect mom, wife, employee)

-relationships (boyfriend, husband, kids)

If you are having a hard time pinpointing areas;

-ask someone close to you what they see (others can oftentimes see things that we can’t).

-ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these areas in your life.

2. Need

What is underneath the behavior? What is this control fulfilling? 

There is something you are getting from it. Some examples of underlying needs;

-self-esteem, insecurity (i.e., feeling “good enough”)

-anxiety (i.e., predictability, stability)

-trust (i.e., protection from being hurt)

3. Choice

Ask yourself; are these behaviors working for me?

If not, start with changing one (only one) of the situations you’ve identified. Your flesh will fight you on this, but it’s about training your mind and not allowing your feelings to run the show, especially when you’re uncomfortable (and you will be at the beginning).

4. Pray

-for the strengthening of your mind

-for increased faith and trust in God (in general and in the specific situations you are working on)

-for wisdom as you move forward with the process.

I highly encourage getting an accountability partner. It’s hard to do this stuff on our own. If you can’t think of someone, feel free to contact me, and I can help.

Where do you struggle with control the most?

Anxiety Series

Prepare For Battle – Day 3

Jaime

Has your anxiety ever caused you to feel so physically and mentally uncomfortable, you just wanted to shed your skin?

I hated that feeling. I would do anything to make those feelings go away, so much so that I ended up becoming my very own doctor, self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.

These substances provided an illusioned vacation. Unfortunately, when the drugs wore off, my anxiety would be waiting for me, holding up a “welcome back” sign, excited to re-engage. Numbing my symptoms only made them worse.

I am a natural reactor, I’ve always been, BUT, over time I’ve learned to respond to things (like my anxiety) rather than react. Hallelujah, there’s hope for everybody!

We’re not always able to control when anxiety hits, but we can control the way we respond to it.

How do you react or respond to anxiety?

Anxiety Series

Prepare For Battle – Day 2

Jaime

I grew up by the world’s standards, often hearing;

If you want something, go and get it. If there’s a problem, you fix it. All responsibility was placed on the individual. 

There were a few problems with this.

  1. My ways of fixing things weren’t always good for me.
  2. Knowing that my entire life depended on me was way too much pressure.

Once I became a believer, my worldview shifted. I no longer felt the need to control everything. I managed what I could and chose to trust God with the rest, but this didn’t happen right away.

Like any other relationship, it took me a while to build trust. Through reading God’s Word, I learned a lot about His character and who He was, discovering that He was in fact Trustworthy.

He keeps His promises. We see this by his finished work on the cross.

Thus began a process of developing my worldview and overall foundation. This has affected the way I view the world and how I function in it. It’s all helped me to deal with my anxiety from a more biblical perspective.

What we believe about the world influences everything in our lives, including how we deal with anxiety.

 

What’s your worldview?

Drugs, Identity, Mental Health

Letter To My Junior High Self

Jaime

Dear 12-Year-Old Me,

I know life is hard right now. All you can see is what’s here and now. There is so much more to come…

You are in the midst of an awkward phase (totally normal, btw). Don’t waste your time trying to fit in. Appreciate who you were created to be. Haters are going to hate. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Those who appear perfect, aren’t. What you see is not always what you get. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Be kind and compassionate. Don’t play the comparison game. We were all created with different gifts and strengths. Appreciate them and use yours wisely.

How you look doesn’t define you. I repeat, how you look doesn’t define you. Don’t internalize what the media or boys think are attractive. Focus on what the God of the universe says about you. One size doesn’t fit all.

Calm your hormones girl! I know how loud they are, but they do not need to rule over you. Learn your value as a young woman according to Gods Word. See his expectations of you through the lens of value vs. fear. You are so precious to him.

Don’t party so much. I know you think it’s fun, but there are going to be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences down the road.

Be nicer to mom and dad. They love you so much. They are not superheroes, but flawed human beings like the rest of us. Be respectful. They will be around for the long haul when many others won’t.

I know you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t. Life is going to take you on a ride. You are not the controller of the universe (even though you want to be).

And finally…

You are loved more than you can ever imagine.

P.S. It’s not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better.

Love,

Future Self

Dependence on God

Dependence Day

Jaime

July 4th is a day often celebrated with barbecues, parades, and fireworks. Independence Day is something to celebrate. But this made me think… is there such a thing as too much independence?

I was so excited when I first moved to my very own apartment. I had my own space and didn’t have to answer to anyone. All decisions were mine to make. I was the controller of my life, Miss Independent.

I had an “I can do it myself” attitude, similar to a two-year-old.

This mindset led to massive amounts of pressure on myself. When unable to meet my monumental expectations, I’d melt into a muddy puddle on the floor.

I only have myself to depend on

Being fully independent wasn’t what I’d envisioned. So, I did what any 20 something would do; I went on a relationship hunt. Upon retrieving my prey, I’d quickly realize that others—like myself—couldn’t be depended on 100% of the time.

I now understand that all humans are flawed. We mess up. We let people down. It’s not always on purpose; it just comes with the territory. We are imperfect people.

This would’ve been discouraging if it ended there, but it didn’t.

I’ve heard lots of “Trust God, Have Faith” statements since hanging around the church. But if I can’t entirely depend on myself or others, what makes God trustworthy?

People let you down

His dependability became apparent as I studied His attributes:

He never changes, ever.

He is all-knowing.

He is faithful.

He has the full picture of my life from beginning to end. He sees what no one else can. Besides that, He has personally shown up during the difficult times and uncertainties in my life. He has proven his dependability—not just in my life—but in the lives of those who came before me. It’s scattered throughout His Word.

You can depend on God

I AM an independent woman. I’m still free to make my own choices and decisions. The difference now is I choose to pray for guidance before making them; I choose to do what’s right even if I’m not “feeling” it; I choose to give all outcomes to The One who is dependable.

What prevents you from fully depending on God?