When my youngest son came down with RSV (a respiratory virus), it was one of the scariest times of my life. He went from being a healthy three-month-old to almost being placed on a ventilator. I had no control over the situation. During a time that was already stressful, I was adding fuel to the fire by allowing my thoughts to run free.
When stressful events happen, we tend to play out scenarios in our heads. Here are some ways we do so;
“What If” thinking: Ruminating all possible outcomes of a situation (i.e., what if my baby is brain-damaged, what if I had brought him in sooner)?
Predicting/Assuming: Thinking that you know what will happen in a specific situation (i.e., he’s going to have respiratory issues forever).
Catastrophizing: Thinking the worst (i.e., my baby is going to die).
These are the mechanisms we use as an attempt to control situations that are beyond our control. The two culprits driving our thoughts? Fear and Anxiety. Unfortunately, these ways of thinking often cause us to behave or react in ways that aren’t always helpful to us or those around us, yet, they are normal human responses.
The good news; we don’t have to camp in these thought patterns. We can train our minds to think differently. Here are some examples;
“What If”
“What if my son is brain-damaged?” Response: “God will give you the strength to deal with it.”
Predicting/Assuming; “I just know he’s going to suffer from respiratory issues from this day forward.” Response: “And, if he does – like everything else in our life – we will deal with it and educate him on how to deal with it.”
Catastrophizing; “He’s going to die.” Response: “No matter the outcome, I trust God. He knows and sees the entire picture. I can do anything with Him by my side.
What is your go-to way of thinking during times of uncertainty?
This week I’ve decided to write some fun facts about myself.
My First Job: Boston Market (I eventually got fired).
Worst Habit: Nail biting
A Movie I’ve Watched a Gazillion Times: Coyote Ugly (I owned the VHS, and when I moved from NY to CA, it provided comfort. Don’t judge me).
My Superpower Would Be: reading minds
Embarrassing Moment (one of many): While attending a party at Chuck E Cheese, a woman approached me as I piled food onto my plate. Long story short, I was at the wrong party.
My Latest Addiction: TikTok
I Would Love To Meet: Joyce Meyer. She has helped me improve my thought life while encouraging me not to live by my feelings. What a game-changer!
Something I’m Proud Of: Throwing a surprise 25th-anniversary party for my parents.
Favorite Comfort Food: Pasta
Greatest Struggle: Mental health
I Can’t Stand The Sound Of: Fingernails on a chalkboard
My Dream Job(s): Speaking, Writing, Coaching
Growing Up I Wanted To Be A: Singer/Actress
My Favorite Job: Working in a group home for mentally ill adults.
Piercings? Used to have navel, nose, and tongue.
Fear: Not being the mom I’ve been called to be.
Best Decision Ever Made: Surrendering my life to God.
Do you ever find yourself getting in the way of your hopes and dreams?
A new relationship was on the horizon, but it ended before having a chance to blossom. The risk of getting your heart broken was too much to bear. A potential job opportunity presented itself, but you didn’t apply. The other applicants were more qualified.
Sometimes, our past experiences shape how we function in the present. Other times, our insecurities and doubts get the best of us. If my past relationship didn’t work out, why would this one? I’ve been rejected by three companies, why would this be any different?
When we let these things get in the way of our goals and plans, we are self-sabotaging.
If we dig deep, we find fear, distrust, and insecurity ingrained into our thinking. This affects our decision-making process. Unfortunately, the results are lost opportunities and blessings.
It’s normal to feel these things–so let’s not beat ourselves up for it–but we can feel certain ways and move through them (I know, not easy).
Pray for courage.
Trust in God’s plan for the situation.
Do it, anyway.
Listen to God’s voice and let Him guide you in all that you do.
Sure, there is a risk of heartbreak, but what if this is the person you are meant to spend your life with? Yes, there might be others more qualified than you, but then again, there might be something about youthat stands out against the rest.
You won’t know unless you try. So, get out of your own way. And remember, the outcome doesn’t change who you are.
I know life is hard right now. All you can see is what’s here and now. There is so much more to come…
You are in the midst of an awkward phase (totally normal, btw). Don’t waste your time trying to fit in. Appreciate who you were created to be. Haters are going to hate. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Those who appear perfect, aren’t. What you see is not always what you get. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Be kind and compassionate. Don’t play the comparison game. We were all created with different gifts and strengths. Appreciate them and use yours wisely.
How you look doesn’t define you. I repeat, how you look doesn’t define you. Don’t internalize what the media or boys think are attractive. Focus on what the God of the universe says about you. One size doesn’t fit all.
Calm your hormones girl! I know how loud they are, but they do not need to rule over you. Learn your value as a young woman according to Gods Word. See his expectations of you through the lens of value vs. fear. You are so precious to him.
Don’t party so much. I know you think it’s fun, but there are going to be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences down the road.
Be nicer to mom and dad. They love you so much. They are not superheroes, but flawed human beings like the rest of us. Be respectful. They will be around for the long haul when many others won’t.
I know you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t. Life is going to take you on a ride. You are not the controller of the universe (even though you want to be).
And finally…
You are loved more than you can ever imagine.
P.S. It’s not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better.
When someone criticizes me–even if it’s constructive–I can feel my walls going up, my heart putting on its protective gear.
But sometimes we need to hear this stuff, as hard as it may be.
Just the other day, I had a tough conversation with someone close to me. Some valid points were made and needed to be said, but I’ll admit–it hurt like hell to hear them.
My initial reaction was to defend myself, which I did for a bit. When our talk was over, I was left to choke on the feedback I had received. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard.
I decided to go for a drive to process things. I was angry and confused. Was what they said true?
I called some friends for prayer AND because I knew they would co-sign my stuff. I wanted them to tell me that it was an exaggeration. I wanted them to tell me that is wasn’t true–but they didn’t answer.
In between sobs, the Word of God spoke to my heart through worship music. As painful as it was to fully engage with my feelings, I knew I was supposed to be in this exact place. I wasn’t meant to lean on or be comforted by anyone except for God.
What usually follows an episode like this is a big-old butt-kicking of my own doing and guilt for days. Instead, I felt this odd peace and conviction-not guilt-conviction. At that moment, I knew the feedback I had received was accurate. The messenger loved me enough to tell me the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but we are called to hold each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ.
I chose to leave my pride at the cross and accept this as a growth opportunity. There was no booty kicking or guilt to speak of.
I know that God loves me as is, but I also know that He wants me to continue growing–and this was an opportunity to do so.
It’s in those times of deep sadness and pain that chains have been broken in my life. And in those times God has never left my side.
Who is helping you maintain accountability in your walk?
Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
I’ve read this verse so many times. Instead of bringing me comfort, it often frustrated me. I understood that I wasn’t supposed to worry but how do I stop?
My anxiety resided in the details of each day, every once in a while vacating the property to rent a room in one of the more significant events in my life.
As I planned my days, obsessive thoughts consumed me, circling the details around and around with way too many conclusions. Intrusive thoughts dropped intermittently, taunting me with the “what if” game. The uncomfortable feeling of crawling in my skin made it unbearable at times.
I didn’t have a say about what was happening within me. It was exhausting.
How do I stop?
People would tell me: “stop worrying, its all in your head, everything will be fine.” They meant well but it only made me feel more anxious and isolated. If they could only see the hamster wheel in my head.
A few years back I was informed that I might need a specific surgery done. This wasn’t just any procedure, this was my worst- fear- come- true procedure.
It was the day of my follow up appointment, where my destiny would soon be determined. My knee bounced violently as I waited for the news. I felt like one of those tiny chihuahua’s that never stops shaking.
I had my bible open reading verses I had tagged on anxiety. I prayed. I listened to worship music. Even with all of these things, my anxiety remained close.
My worst fear come true
A nurse arrived to take my vitals. We started chatting. I shared how nervous I was and we continued talking about the small stuff.
Then something weird happened…
The atmosphere in the room shifted with the mention of God. This amazing nurse shared her heart with me. We prayed together, hugged, and she left the room.
By the time the doctor came in, my anxiety was gone, completely gone. He even mentioned how relaxed I appeared. I couldn’t explain it, but I could tell you who was behind it.
Did I mention that I didn’t have to have the surgery? Win!
What I experienced in that doctor’s office was supernatural. I can try to figure it out, or I can embrace the gift of transcendent peace that Philippians talks about. I choose the present.
I can only hope to have more experiences like the one above. The reality of my humanity is that I live in a broken world so there will be struggles.
AND
God is gracious. He doesn’t just leave me in this place of struggle. He encourages me, guiding me in the midst of the struggle through his Word.
Now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9
I may not be able to prevent the Ferris wheel of thoughts from coming to town, but I do get to choose which seat I jump into.
Fix your thoughts on what is true
I’m learning to listen to the thoughts that speak the truth, letting the contaminated ones float into the sewer where they belong. The more I’m in the Word, the more I’m able to identify these life-giving thoughts.
Would you please pray with me
Lord, thank you for providing me with a glimpse of what’s to come. I pray for more of it! You know the anxiety we deal with. You’ve been there yourself. If it is not your will to heal us then please give us the resources we need for it to be more manageable. Bring people into our lives that will walk among us, so we don’t have to suffer alone. I pray for all life-giving thoughts to be louder than any other. Thank you for never leaving us. Help us to focus more on you instead of our feelings and circumstances. Amen!