We typically view our parents/caregivers through a subjective lens.
As a child, my parents were superheroes. During my teenage years, they knew nothing. Once I reached adulthood, I went through a judgemental phase. I wondered about the choices they made and the “why’s” behind it.
No matter what my parents did, they were doomed. My experiences with them shaped who they were in my eyes.
A few years back, I interviewed my parents individually. I wanted to learn more about their backgrounds and experiences. I so appreciated their transparency and willingness to share themselves with me as they did. It was then that God whispered, “See my child; they are human, like you.” For the first time ever, I saw them as children of God. From that point on, I was able to love and accept them for who they were.
We all have flaws and baggage; some weigh heavier than others. Resentment and unforgiveness reside in our hearts. We drown in the memories of our past, not able to swim freely toward the future. But we don’t have to remain in these places.
The question is, how do we move forward?
Pray for a softening of the heart and the willingness to forgive. Ask God to see them through His eyes.
What’s their story? Ask them questions. If you are not comfortable with that, ask people who know/knew them.
And remember, they are broken people like you and me.
This doesn’t mean that whatever has happened to you is okay; it just means that you are choosing to let go of it and hand it over to God, so you can move forward. Don’t let your past define your future. You can be set free.
What steps can you take today to change your lens?
Do you ever find yourself getting in the way of your hopes and dreams?
A new relationship was on the horizon, but it ended before having a chance to blossom. The risk of getting your heart broken was too much to bear. A potential job opportunity presented itself, but you didn’t apply. The other applicants were more qualified.
Sometimes, our past experiences shape how we function in the present. Other times, our insecurities and doubts get the best of us. If my past relationship didn’t work out, why would this one? I’ve been rejected by three companies, why would this be any different?
When we let these things get in the way of our goals and plans, we are self-sabotaging.
If we dig deep, we find fear, distrust, and insecurity ingrained into our thinking. This affects our decision-making process. Unfortunately, the results are lost opportunities and blessings.
It’s normal to feel these things–so let’s not beat ourselves up for it–but we can feel certain ways and move through them (I know, not easy).
Pray for courage.
Trust in God’s plan for the situation.
Do it, anyway.
Listen to God’s voice and let Him guide you in all that you do.
Sure, there is a risk of heartbreak, but what if this is the person you are meant to spend your life with? Yes, there might be others more qualified than you, but then again, there might be something about youthat stands out against the rest.
You won’t know unless you try. So, get out of your own way. And remember, the outcome doesn’t change who you are.
When someone criticizes me–even if it’s constructive–I can feel my walls going up, my heart putting on its protective gear.
But sometimes we need to hear this stuff, as hard as it may be.
Just the other day, I had a tough conversation with someone close to me. Some valid points were made and needed to be said, but I’ll admit–it hurt like hell to hear them.
My initial reaction was to defend myself, which I did for a bit. When our talk was over, I was left to choke on the feedback I had received. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard.
I decided to go for a drive to process things. I was angry and confused. Was what they said true?
I called some friends for prayer AND because I knew they would co-sign my stuff. I wanted them to tell me that it was an exaggeration. I wanted them to tell me that is wasn’t true–but they didn’t answer.
In between sobs, the Word of God spoke to my heart through worship music. As painful as it was to fully engage with my feelings, I knew I was supposed to be in this exact place. I wasn’t meant to lean on or be comforted by anyone except for God.
What usually follows an episode like this is a big-old butt-kicking of my own doing and guilt for days. Instead, I felt this odd peace and conviction-not guilt-conviction. At that moment, I knew the feedback I had received was accurate. The messenger loved me enough to tell me the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but we are called to hold each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ.
I chose to leave my pride at the cross and accept this as a growth opportunity. There was no booty kicking or guilt to speak of.
I know that God loves me as is, but I also know that He wants me to continue growing–and this was an opportunity to do so.
It’s in those times of deep sadness and pain that chains have been broken in my life. And in those times God has never left my side.
Who is helping you maintain accountability in your walk?
Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
I’ve read this verse so many times. Instead of bringing me comfort, it often frustrated me. I understood that I wasn’t supposed to worry but how do I stop?
My anxiety resided in the details of each day, every once in a while vacating the property to rent a room in one of the more significant events in my life.
As I planned my days, obsessive thoughts consumed me, circling the details around and around with way too many conclusions. Intrusive thoughts dropped intermittently, taunting me with the “what if” game. The uncomfortable feeling of crawling in my skin made it unbearable at times.
I didn’t have a say about what was happening within me. It was exhausting.
How do I stop?
People would tell me: “stop worrying, its all in your head, everything will be fine.” They meant well but it only made me feel more anxious and isolated. If they could only see the hamster wheel in my head.
A few years back I was informed that I might need a specific surgery done. This wasn’t just any procedure, this was my worst- fear- come- true procedure.
It was the day of my follow up appointment, where my destiny would soon be determined. My knee bounced violently as I waited for the news. I felt like one of those tiny chihuahua’s that never stops shaking.
I had my bible open reading verses I had tagged on anxiety. I prayed. I listened to worship music. Even with all of these things, my anxiety remained close.
My worst fear come true
A nurse arrived to take my vitals. We started chatting. I shared how nervous I was and we continued talking about the small stuff.
Then something weird happened…
The atmosphere in the room shifted with the mention of God. This amazing nurse shared her heart with me. We prayed together, hugged, and she left the room.
By the time the doctor came in, my anxiety was gone, completely gone. He even mentioned how relaxed I appeared. I couldn’t explain it, but I could tell you who was behind it.
Did I mention that I didn’t have to have the surgery? Win!
What I experienced in that doctor’s office was supernatural. I can try to figure it out, or I can embrace the gift of transcendent peace that Philippians talks about. I choose the present.
I can only hope to have more experiences like the one above. The reality of my humanity is that I live in a broken world so there will be struggles.
AND
God is gracious. He doesn’t just leave me in this place of struggle. He encourages me, guiding me in the midst of the struggle through his Word.
Now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9
I may not be able to prevent the Ferris wheel of thoughts from coming to town, but I do get to choose which seat I jump into.
Fix your thoughts on what is true
I’m learning to listen to the thoughts that speak the truth, letting the contaminated ones float into the sewer where they belong. The more I’m in the Word, the more I’m able to identify these life-giving thoughts.
Would you please pray with me
Lord, thank you for providing me with a glimpse of what’s to come. I pray for more of it! You know the anxiety we deal with. You’ve been there yourself. If it is not your will to heal us then please give us the resources we need for it to be more manageable. Bring people into our lives that will walk among us, so we don’t have to suffer alone. I pray for all life-giving thoughts to be louder than any other. Thank you for never leaving us. Help us to focus more on you instead of our feelings and circumstances. Amen!
This was first my experience with a Psychiatrist. I didn’t appreciate his frankness and besides that, he was wrong.
Years passed, and once again I found myself in a Psychiatrist’s office, but this time it was a different doctor. “You are bipolar,” he told me.
“Crap!”
Growing up I struggled with depression, anxiety, and anger. These three symptoms were besties. One was never present without the other, although much of the time one would lead the rest.
I knew I had issues but an official diagnosis freaked me out. I was now willing to hear it but accepting it was a whole different thing.
The doctor suggested medication, but I wasn’t ready. I was already self-medicating with my dear friends: drugs and alcohol. They had been around a long time.
I knew I had issues
It got to a point where my coping methods started working against me, taking my mental health to even more extreme highs and lows, so I chose to get clean and sober.
I no longer had my friends to console me and needed another way to manage my symptoms, so I became open to the possibility of taking legit medication.
I didn’t want this diagnosis
I didn’t want to be labeled.
I had a specific idea of how people with mental health issues looked. What I had seen was extreme. I wasn’t like “them.” I was a functional part of society. This mindset kept me stagnant, floating in the river of denial.
I started attending support groups through DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance). I never knew how broad the spectrum of mental health was. It was at these groups that I began to release the stigma I had attached to mental health.
I didn’t want to be labeled
Fellow Christians would tell me stories about God healing them of their depression. I’d walk away thinking, why them and not me God?
I believed God was more than capable of healing me, but that’s not part of my story.
Once I started to accept that this was something I’d struggle with throughout my life, my attitude started to change. Instead of asking for this “thing” to be taken away, I started praying that he would use it for His glory.
He has.
As I started sharing my experiences, others shared theirs. If it wasn’t them who struggled it was usually someone close to them.
God put people in my path for me to support and encourage when I was a complete trainwreck, reminding me that even at my lowest, He can use me.
I can’t even begin to count the times He’s provided comfort to me in the midst of it all. Sometimes it was a text from a friend; other times it was a song playing on the radio. Although, nothing beats my all-time favorite comfort tactic like my tattoo (Ephesians 2:10).
Why them and not me, God?
The struggle and pain that comes with life are real. Knowing that there might be a greater purpose than what my eyes can see encourages me to keep moving forward.
Having bipolar doesn’t define me, even though it tries to convince me otherwise. When my thoughts start attaching to this idea, God gently reminds me “You are who I say you are, my beautiful daughter.”
God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If you are in need of some encouragement today, please listen to this song.
