Dependence on God, Identity, Support

Why Do We Suffer Alone?

After church on Sunday, I stayed for prayer. I was struggling. After praying with a sister in Christ, we started chatting. She, too, suffers like I do. We discussed how easy it is to talk about the minor, everyday transgressions but not the deep, dark stuff. The stuff that keeps us enslaved, preventing us from living in the freedom Jesus provided. 

So, why IS it so hard to talk about these things?

Fear

Fear of judgment

Fear of embarrassment

Fear of not being accepted

If anyone ever knew_____ then_____ (fill in the blanks).

We are called to confess our sins and pray for each other that we may be healed (James 5:16), yet we still fear what others will think about us. Your feelings are legit. We are human and DO have opinions and feelings about situations and behaviors we are unfamiliar with. And, we need to put our fleshly biases aside and be open to hearing people’s stories, walking alongside them, even if/when we don’t understand.

Sins kept in the darkness result in decay, isolation, shame, and guilt. All things Jesus died for. When we expose them to the light, they begin to lose their power (Romans 6:18).

Where do we start?

God

-Repent and thank HIM for the forgiveness already given through Jesus’ sacrifice.

-Ask God to give you the courage to expose your “stuff” to the light. Stop relying on yourself and ask for help. 

-Pray for trustworthy, faith-filled, walking-the-walk-type individuals to come into your life (an individual/mentor or group).

-Join a small group. If you can’t find one, start one.

-Don’t give in when the enemy tries to convince you to keep it a secret (whatever IT is) because he will. He’s a liar and doesn’t want you moving closer to God.

-Don’t allow your feelings to lead the way. Obedience to God’s word will not lead you astray (be doers of the word and not just hearers- James 1:22).

You’d be surprised how many others relate and share in your suffering. It only takes one person’s vulnerability to create an environment of safety and connection.

What is one thing you can do today to move towards the light?

Identity, Thought Life, Uncategorized

How To Let Go Of Control

Lately, I’ve been obsessing about my physical appearance. I got new make-up (was way too excited when it arrived) and just made another purchase last night. I’ve also wanted a new wardrobe (even though I hardly leave my house these days).

I truly thought I was focusing on appearance, but then I realized it’s not about what I look like (well, maybe a little). It’s my way of managing things when I feel powerless in other areas of my life.

Control gives the illusion of security and safety. It might make us feel better in the moment but ultimately ends up confusing our priorities and choices. If we take the layer of control away, we often see that there are deeper issues involved.

What steps can we take to become less controlling?

  1. Awareness

 Identify the situations you find yourself being controlling.

Some might be;

-house needs to be clean

appearance needs to be flawless

-need to do it all (perfect mom, wife, employee)

-relationships (boyfriend, husband, kids)

If you are having a hard time pinpointing areas;

-ask someone close to you what they see (others can oftentimes see things that we can’t).

-ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these areas in your life.

2. Need

What is underneath the behavior? What is this control fulfilling? 

There is something you are getting from it. Some examples of underlying needs;

-self-esteem, insecurity (i.e., feeling “good enough”)

-anxiety (i.e., predictability, stability)

-trust (i.e., protection from being hurt)

3. Choice

Ask yourself; are these behaviors working for me?

If not, start with changing one (only one) of the situations you’ve identified. Your flesh will fight you on this, but it’s about training your mind and not allowing your feelings to run the show, especially when you’re uncomfortable (and you will be at the beginning).

4. Pray

-for the strengthening of your mind

-for increased faith and trust in God (in general and in the specific situations you are working on)

-for wisdom as you move forward with the process.

I highly encourage getting an accountability partner. It’s hard to do this stuff on our own. If you can’t think of someone, feel free to contact me, and I can help.

Where do you struggle with control the most?