When my youngest son came down with RSV (a respiratory virus), it was one of the scariest times of my life. He went from being a healthy three-month-old to almost being placed on a ventilator. I had no control over the situation. During a time that was already stressful, I was adding fuel to the fire by allowing my thoughts to run free.
When stressful events happen, we tend to play out scenarios in our heads. Here are some ways we do so;
“What If” thinking: Ruminating all possible outcomes of a situation (i.e., what if my baby is brain-damaged, what if I had brought him in sooner)?
Predicting/Assuming: Thinking that you know what will happen in a specific situation (i.e., he’s going to have respiratory issues forever).
Catastrophizing: Thinking the worst (i.e., my baby is going to die).
These are the mechanisms we use as an attempt to control situations that are beyond our control. The two culprits driving our thoughts? Fear and Anxiety. Unfortunately, these ways of thinking often cause us to behave or react in ways that aren’t always helpful to us or those around us, yet, they are normal human responses.
The good news; we don’t have to camp in these thought patterns. We can train our minds to think differently. Here are some examples;
“What If”
“What if my son is brain-damaged?” Response: “God will give you the strength to deal with it.”
Predicting/Assuming; “I just know he’s going to suffer from respiratory issues from this day forward.” Response: “And, if he does – like everything else in our life – we will deal with it and educate him on how to deal with it.”
Catastrophizing; “He’s going to die.” Response: “No matter the outcome, I trust God. He knows and sees the entire picture. I can do anything with Him by my side.
What is your go-to way of thinking during times of uncertainty?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I could never __ “(fill in the blank)?
In a season of not being able to get pregnant, I watched a reality show about a woman going through in-vitro fertilization (IVF). At one point, she ended up in the hospital due to complications. I remember thinking, “I could never go through that. The mental and physical demands would kill me.”
Little did I know a few years later I’d be going through it, not once but four times! This is the moment where my “I could never” switched to “heck yeah I can!”
We set ourselves up for failure before even trying. Fears convince us of the impossibilities. Our feelings and thoughts attempt to rule our lives, but the truth is, they don’t have as much power as we give them credit for.
We CAN do hard things regardless of what our thoughts and feelings are communicating, especially when God has our back.
The next time you find yourself saying, “I could never…”
Challenge it. Ask why?
Take inventory – (remember the hard things you’ve done in the past).
Flip It – (“I can do anything that God has called me to”).
Fill your mind with truth – (read scriptures about overcoming fear and being strengthened in Christ).
Support – (find people to encourage you along the way. Accountability will help you move forward)
Did you know that tomorrow is “opposite day?” I didn’t realize this was a thing.
To celebrate, I was hoping you’d be down for a little experiment. Let me explain before I scare you away.
Our thoughts often create our reality, and many times they are untrue statements. Increased awareness of what we think allows us to identify false beliefs, stop them in their tracks, and replace them with truth. Here’s an example;
Limiting thought: “I messed up again; I’m so stupid.”
Flip It: “Nope, we are not going there. Yes, you messed up, but you’re not stupid. You are learning, AND this mess up doesn’t define you.”
Make Sense?
Over the next 24 hours (starting at midnight), I’m encouraging you to keep track of your thoughts. When unhealthy, self-defeating, untrue thoughts pass by (because they will), challenge them, flip em and counteract.
But how do I know what is true, you might be asking?
What God says about us is true. Test all thoughts against His Word. If it doesn’t match up, slay that thought with your pink sparkly sword. Oh, wait, that’s mine.
This past week it felt like someone tied me up, put tape over my mouth, and made me sit in a corner, forcing me to watch my life as a spectator.
When my mental health is compromised, I feel so disconnected from my life. One moment, I feel like a robotic sociopath, numbness permeating my entire being. The next, I feel like a raging lunatic, ready to take on whoever looks at me wrong. It makes no sense, but it feels real.
It’s a straight-up battle in my mind.
Negative thoughts and false beliefs come with fists swinging. Luckily, I’m prepared. Armor blocks the unhealthy thoughts, the truth slaying them on the spot.
I still FEEL crappy.
The thoughts still come.
Yet, TRUTH keeps me grounded. My identity remains impenetrable.
During times of stress I’ve thought about driving far away from my family; starting over in a town where no one knows me. I’d be a server at a local restaurant. When done with my shifts, I’d go home to a quiet place with no responsibilities except for watching tv and eating ice cream.
Even though I’ve taken the time to think about this, I would never follow through with it. Or would I? After all, thinking about doing something and actually doing it are two different things, right?
My thoughts have great power over me. In many cases, they’ve created my reality. When I am focused on my needs and desires, my brain starts going down the road of “you deserve more, your happiness is most important.” I can easily feed into these things.
Our decisions don’t typically start with action, but with a thought. Recovering addicts will most likely tell you that relapse happened in their minds before ever using. Same goes for those who have been unfaithful. Lustful thoughts usually precede physical contact.
The more we think about, obsess, perseverate and mull over things, the more real they become.
As much as I’d like to say that these momentary thoughts of escapism are harmless, I have to be conscious not to entertain them. I know what I am capable of; therefore, I need to protect my mind, heart, and family.
“But we are human. We are not dead. We can’t shut our minds off.” All true.
And
We can choose to engage or disengage with our thoughts as they come up. They don’t have the authority to control us unless we let them.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn God’s will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:2 NLT
Be mindful of each thought. Develop awareness of patterns of thinking. Be gentle with yourself. It’s a process.
Yesterday was a rough day. I found myself connecting more with the mangled than the masterpiece.
I was involved in a battle, a spiritual one. It was like an arm-wrestling match between lies and truth. The truth kept me in the game, but the lies were strong.
What did this look like?
Unhealthy thoughts, insecurities, and anxiety.
What did I do?
I shared it with my women’s group. I know full well that when I keep this stuff in the dark, the enemy feeds on it. I felt extremely vulnerable after sharing BUT my desire to live in the freedom that Jesus has given trumps all else.
I went to a pool party/bible study. I forced myself to go when all I wanted to do was isolate. I knew if I went with a servants heart, I’d feel better. A good time was had, AND as usual, God provided the exact words I needed to hear through a fellow believer’s reading of Scripture. He is such a personal God.
Through this situation, I learned something (always growing and learning); My pride is still alive and kicking, and I may not be as humble as I thought.
On most days the truth can slam lies down with little effort. What I need to do is remain close to the Source and stay away from things that don’t serve me well.
Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
I’ve read this verse so many times. Instead of bringing me comfort, it often frustrated me. I understood that I wasn’t supposed to worry but how do I stop?
My anxiety resided in the details of each day, every once in a while vacating the property to rent a room in one of the more significant events in my life.
As I planned my days, obsessive thoughts consumed me, circling the details around and around with way too many conclusions. Intrusive thoughts dropped intermittently, taunting me with the “what if” game. The uncomfortable feeling of crawling in my skin made it unbearable at times.
I didn’t have a say about what was happening within me. It was exhausting.
How do I stop?
People would tell me: “stop worrying, its all in your head, everything will be fine.” They meant well but it only made me feel more anxious and isolated. If they could only see the hamster wheel in my head.
A few years back I was informed that I might need a specific surgery done. This wasn’t just any procedure, this was my worst- fear- come- true procedure.
It was the day of my follow up appointment, where my destiny would soon be determined. My knee bounced violently as I waited for the news. I felt like one of those tiny chihuahua’s that never stops shaking.
I had my bible open reading verses I had tagged on anxiety. I prayed. I listened to worship music. Even with all of these things, my anxiety remained close.
My worst fear come true
A nurse arrived to take my vitals. We started chatting. I shared how nervous I was and we continued talking about the small stuff.
Then something weird happened…
The atmosphere in the room shifted with the mention of God. This amazing nurse shared her heart with me. We prayed together, hugged, and she left the room.
By the time the doctor came in, my anxiety was gone, completely gone. He even mentioned how relaxed I appeared. I couldn’t explain it, but I could tell you who was behind it.
Did I mention that I didn’t have to have the surgery? Win!
What I experienced in that doctor’s office was supernatural. I can try to figure it out, or I can embrace the gift of transcendent peace that Philippians talks about. I choose the present.
I can only hope to have more experiences like the one above. The reality of my humanity is that I live in a broken world so there will be struggles.
AND
God is gracious. He doesn’t just leave me in this place of struggle. He encourages me, guiding me in the midst of the struggle through his Word.
Now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9
I may not be able to prevent the Ferris wheel of thoughts from coming to town, but I do get to choose which seat I jump into.
Fix your thoughts on what is true
I’m learning to listen to the thoughts that speak the truth, letting the contaminated ones float into the sewer where they belong. The more I’m in the Word, the more I’m able to identify these life-giving thoughts.
Would you please pray with me
Lord, thank you for providing me with a glimpse of what’s to come. I pray for more of it! You know the anxiety we deal with. You’ve been there yourself. If it is not your will to heal us then please give us the resources we need for it to be more manageable. Bring people into our lives that will walk among us, so we don’t have to suffer alone. I pray for all life-giving thoughts to be louder than any other. Thank you for never leaving us. Help us to focus more on you instead of our feelings and circumstances. Amen!
