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Weights of the World

Jaime

Recently, my boyfriend and I went to San Francisco to pick up our bibs for a race we were going to run. While meandering through the streets, I saw runner after runner with goals that were much more insane than the ones my 5K-running boyfriend and I had.

They were training for the SF Marathon (a 26.2-mile race!!). One athlete that stuck out to me was wearing a heavily weighted vest and a look that told me he’d been training for way too long. I mean, he looked exhausted. As he hustled on by I thought to myself, “Dang, that dude looks dead-tired. But he’s going to be so conditioned after this!” I knew those weights would help him become stronger even though at that moment he looked like he was going to pass out.

I often have this same view when looking at my own struggles. My battle with PTSD, depression, and sin may weigh me down, but I keep persisting because I know that carrying these burdens will only make me stronger. Can I get an “Amen!”? Right?? Well…


The other day the image of the running man came to mind. This image caught me at a time I was juggling the weight of the world on my shoulders. At that point, it didn’t feel like I was getting stronger, but weaker.

These burdens were so heavy and so present in my life.

They slowly chipped away at my soul and became a bigger part of my identity than the hope I found in Jesus’ name.

That’s when a little piece of realization hit me square in the face: The running dude wasn’t going to wear his vest forever. In order to increase his speed, he would eventually have to lay down his heavy cargo and continue his race without any extra burdens. This was a vital step in my journey that I was missing. To be honest, I thought that trying to lift all the heavy in my own heart would make me stronger, but what I was really doing was exercising my pride.

As we can see in Acts 12, miraculous freedom from our chains comes from the divine authority of God. So, persistence and endurance are definitely important for our faith, but ultimately we need to allow God to set us free from what keeps our hearts in chains so we can run our race, serve Jesus, and love the world.

What weights in your life do you need to lay down?

Mental Health, Suicide

Step Aside, Suicide

Jaime

Once upon a time, there was a prison guard. His primary responsibility was making sure no inmates escaped.

Two men sit in prison. They were severely beaten and incarcerated because of the message they were preaching.

An earthquake shakes the foundation of the prison, causing all doors to open.

Assuming the prisoners escaped, the guard draws his sword, preparing to take his own life. BUT, before he could follow through, one of the inmates shout: “Stop, don’t do it. We are still here.”

The guard did not take his own life. He instead decided to accept the message provided by the two men. His life was forever changed.

This story can be found in Acts 16.

I wonder about this prison guard. What had his life been like? What would it have felt like to blow the one responsibility I had? Would I have known that the consequence for the guard not fulfilling his duties would most likely be death?

Out of all people to encourage this hopeless man, it was an inmate who was beaten, chained, and thrown in prison. Without him, the guard would be dead. Why did the prisoner choose to do this?

He was paying forward what had been given to him.

People are suffering.

It’s easy to judge and let our opinions run rampant when we haven’t been in someone else’s shoes and don’t understand the “why’s.”

What if we started asking more questions and getting to know people’s stories? What if we were increasingly vulnerable about our struggles, decreasing feelings of loneliness and isolation? What if we viewed every single person as a child of God?

What we say and do matters. The way we treat people matters.

Unworthy is a belief of many in despair. If they only knew how cherished and loved they were.

Let us be His hands and feet.

Identity

Who Am I?

Jaime

I recently saw a movie called Overcomer, the overarching theme being identity.

We see the characters attaching their identities to specific roles and life experiences.

Through the harsh realities of life, God shows up, revealing who he is while showing the characters who they are, according to the one who created them.

Chains break.

Hurts heal.

Hearts mend.

Once we know where our true identity comes from, we need to nurture this truth. Otherwise, we’ll continue getting caught up in the lies of the world and our minds.

How do we do this?

  • Get to know the creator by reading his word. Once you know who he is, you’ll understand who you are.
  • Pray for the truth of who you are to be louder than the lies.
  • Join a small group of like-minded individuals who will speak truth over your life.

Check out the movie Overcomer!

Uncategorized

I’ve Got Plans

Jaime

Have you ever had plans for your life that ended up not working out?

My plan as a young girl was to be a singer/actress. My summers involved musicals and rock bands. I loved being on stage and in the spotlight.

An opportunity arose when I was 15 years old. I had the chance to attend a prestigious camp to further my skills and career. My parents signed me up and I was ready to go.

And…

Then I met a boy, “fell in love,” and decided to skip camp to hang out with him. We broke up a few years later.

This changed the trajectory of my life.

I’d sometimes wonder what things would’ve been like if I had gone to that camp.

That wasn’t the plan for my life.

We tend to make plans according to our desires and needs; “I want… I want to be…” Sometimes we make plans based on what others desire for us. Mom might encourage marriage to a specific person. Dad wants you to take over the family business. We are blinded by our fleshly desires, so much so that we forget to consult with God about his plans for our lives.

God gives us freedom of choice. My choices may have put me on an alternate route, but God’s will prevailed.

Have you recently made a decision or plan that didn’t pan out? We’ve all been there. Here are some things that might help:

  • Surrender your will (if this is a struggle for you, pray for the desire to do so)
  • Pray for wisdom for your future and choices
  • Be aware of his presence and promptings
  • Trust that God’s plans are better than yours

What plans in your life turned out differently than you thought they would?

Drugs, Identity, Mental Health

Letter To My Junior High Self

Jaime

Dear 12-Year-Old Me,

I know life is hard right now. All you can see is what’s here and now. There is so much more to come…

You are in the midst of an awkward phase (totally normal, btw). Don’t waste your time trying to fit in. Appreciate who you were created to be. Haters are going to hate. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Those who appear perfect, aren’t. What you see is not always what you get. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Be kind and compassionate. Don’t play the comparison game. We were all created with different gifts and strengths. Appreciate them and use yours wisely.

How you look doesn’t define you. I repeat, how you look doesn’t define you. Don’t internalize what the media or boys think are attractive. Focus on what the God of the universe says about you. One size doesn’t fit all.

Calm your hormones girl! I know how loud they are, but they do not need to rule over you. Learn your value as a young woman according to Gods Word. See his expectations of you through the lens of value vs. fear. You are so precious to him.

Don’t party so much. I know you think it’s fun, but there are going to be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences down the road.

Be nicer to mom and dad. They love you so much. They are not superheroes, but flawed human beings like the rest of us. Be respectful. They will be around for the long haul when many others won’t.

I know you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t. Life is going to take you on a ride. You are not the controller of the universe (even though you want to be).

And finally…

You are loved more than you can ever imagine.

P.S. It’s not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better.

Love,

Future Self

Dependence on God

Look Up, Broken World

Jaime

Shock, Fear, Disgust, Pain

Darkness, Evil, Panic, Rain

Anxiety, Grief, Anger, Hate

President, Nations, People, Fate

Guns, Health, Supremacy, Games

Questions, Answers, Findings, Blame

Relevant, Rumor, Vengeance, Lies

Strongholds, Satan, Compromise

We live in a broken world

Comfort, Kindness, Spirit, Light

Healing, Goodness, Savior, Knight

Clarity, Wisdom, Discernment, Peace

Honor, Forgiveness, Community, Feasts

Faithful, Judgement, Burdens, Bears

Children, Bloodline, Future, Heirs

Ask Him, Worship, Look Up, Sing

Redemptive, Unfailing, Eternal, King

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

John 16:33 NLT

Are we going to be shaken by this world, or keep our eyes fixed on the one who’s overcome it?

Mental Health, Support

#Music

Jaime

Music has always played a huge role in my life. It’s been my therapist, friend, anger management outlet, and more.

When unable to put feelings into words, this song acted as my translator:

Music Puts The Pieces Together

This song reminds me that I can’t do this life on my own, nor do I need to:

What songs have played a big part in your past and present?

Attitude

Never Satisfied

Jaime

Why is this so hard? I’d rather be doing something else. It’s too hot out.

This summer has been a challenging one. I find myself complaining a lot–often expressed through jokes and sarcasm. Regardless of how it’s packaged, it’s still complaining.

I have been discontent, and it shows through my words and attitude.

What I’m communicating through my grumbling is that God is not enough. I can say all day that I’m blessed and thankful, but my discontentment with circumstances and situations say differently.

I always want more. Things can still be a teensy bit better.

I can make all kinds of excuses as to why I grumble, but the truth is–I have an ungrateful heart.

The more I complain, the more I complain. My brain takes notes–keeping track of negative activity– and a new pattern of thinking develops.

I need to fill my mind and soul with gratitude. I want my brain to get the memo–we are switching it up to a more positive perspective. I can choose the words I speak over my life, but I need to be intentional about it.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Romans 12:2 NLT

I’ve been practicing mindfulness in this area. This is what it looks like:

Complaining

Gratitude

Why is this so hard?

I can do anything through Christ.

I’d rather be doing something else.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I’m too hot.

I have air conditioning (thank you, Lord).

What’s something you’ve been complaining about? How can you flip that complaint into gratitude? Please share in the comments so we can all be encouraged.

Attitude

Ouch, Said Accountability

Jaime

When someone criticizes me–even if it’s constructive–I can feel my walls going up, my heart putting on its protective gear.

But sometimes we need to hear this stuff, as hard as it may be.

Just the other day, I had a tough conversation with someone close to me. Some valid points were made and needed to be said, but I’ll admit–it hurt like hell to hear them.

My initial reaction was to defend myself, which I did for a bit. When our talk was over, I was left to choke on the feedback I had received. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard.

I decided to go for a drive to process things. I was angry and confused. Was what they said true?

I called some friends for prayer AND because I knew they would co-sign my stuff. I wanted them to tell me that it was an exaggeration. I wanted them to tell me that is wasn’t true–but they didn’t answer.

In between sobs, the Word of God spoke to my heart through worship music. As painful as it was to fully engage with my feelings, I knew I was supposed to be in this exact place. I wasn’t meant to lean on or be comforted by anyone except for God.

What usually follows an episode like this is a big-old butt-kicking of my own doing and guilt for days. Instead, I felt this odd peace and conviction-not guilt-conviction. At that moment, I knew the feedback I had received was accurate. The messenger loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but we are called to hold each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ.

I chose to leave my pride at the cross and accept this as a growth opportunity. There was no booty kicking or guilt to speak of.

I know that God loves me as is, but I also know that He wants me to continue growing–and this was an opportunity to do so.

It’s in those times of deep sadness and pain that chains have been broken in my life. And in those times God has never left my side.

Who is helping you maintain accountability in your walk?

Mental Health

Mangled Mind

Jaime

Yesterday was a rough day. I found myself connecting more with the mangled than the masterpiece.

I was involved in a battle, a spiritual one. It was like an arm-wrestling match between lies and truth. The truth kept me in the game, but the lies were strong.

What did this look like?

Unhealthy thoughts, insecurities, and anxiety.

What did I do?

  • I shared it with my women’s group. I know full well that when I keep this stuff in the dark, the enemy feeds on it. I felt extremely vulnerable after sharing BUT my desire to live in the freedom that Jesus has given trumps all else.
  • I went to a pool party/bible study. I forced myself to go when all I wanted to do was isolate. I knew if I went with a servants heart, I’d feel better. A good time was had, AND as usual, God provided the exact words I needed to hear through a fellow believer’s reading of Scripture. He is such a personal God.

Through this situation, I learned something (always growing and learning); My pride is still alive and kicking, and I may not be as humble as I thought.

On most days the truth can slam lies down with little effort. What I need to do is remain close to the Source and stay away from things that don’t serve me well.

I am a work in progress, who is dearly loved.

What keeps you grounded in the truth?