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Drugs, Identity, Mental Health

Letter To My Junior High Self

Jaime

Dear 12-Year-Old Me,

I know life is hard right now. All you can see is what’s here and now. There is so much more to come…

You are in the midst of an awkward phase (totally normal, btw). Don’t waste your time trying to fit in. Appreciate who you were created to be. Haters are going to hate. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Those who appear perfect, aren’t. What you see is not always what you get. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Be kind and compassionate. Don’t play the comparison game. We were all created with different gifts and strengths. Appreciate them and use yours wisely.

How you look doesn’t define you. I repeat, how you look doesn’t define you. Don’t internalize what the media or boys think are attractive. Focus on what the God of the universe says about you. One size doesn’t fit all.

Calm your hormones girl! I know how loud they are, but they do not need to rule over you. Learn your value as a young woman according to Gods Word. See his expectations of you through the lens of value vs. fear. You are so precious to him.

Don’t party so much. I know you think it’s fun, but there are going to be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences down the road.

Be nicer to mom and dad. They love you so much. They are not superheroes, but flawed human beings like the rest of us. Be respectful. They will be around for the long haul when many others won’t.

I know you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t. Life is going to take you on a ride. You are not the controller of the universe (even though you want to be).

And finally…

You are loved more than you can ever imagine.

P.S. It’s not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better.

Love,

Future Self

Dependence on God

Look Up, Broken World

Jaime

Shock, Fear, Disgust, Pain

Darkness, Evil, Panic, Rain

Anxiety, Grief, Anger, Hate

President, Nations, People, Fate

Guns, Health, Supremacy, Games

Questions, Answers, Findings, Blame

Relevant, Rumor, Vengeance, Lies

Strongholds, Satan, Compromise

We live in a broken world

Comfort, Kindness, Spirit, Light

Healing, Goodness, Savior, Knight

Clarity, Wisdom, Discernment, Peace

Honor, Forgiveness, Community, Feasts

Faithful, Judgement, Burdens, Bears

Children, Bloodline, Future, Heirs

Ask Him, Worship, Look Up, Sing

Redemptive, Unfailing, Eternal, King

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

John 16:33 NLT

Are we going to be shaken by this world, or keep our eyes fixed on the one who’s overcome it?

Mental Health, Support

#Music

Jaime

Music has always played a huge role in my life. It’s been my therapist, friend, anger management outlet, and more.

When unable to put feelings into words, this song acted as my translator:

Music Puts The Pieces Together

This song reminds me that I can’t do this life on my own, nor do I need to:

What songs have played a big part in your past and present?

Attitude

Never Satisfied

Jaime

Why is this so hard? I’d rather be doing something else. It’s too hot out.

This summer has been a challenging one. I find myself complaining a lot–often expressed through jokes and sarcasm. Regardless of how it’s packaged, it’s still complaining.

I have been discontent, and it shows through my words and attitude.

What I’m communicating through my grumbling is that God is not enough. I can say all day that I’m blessed and thankful, but my discontentment with circumstances and situations say differently.

I always want more. Things can still be a teensy bit better.

I can make all kinds of excuses as to why I grumble, but the truth is–I have an ungrateful heart.

The more I complain, the more I complain. My brain takes notes–keeping track of negative activity– and a new pattern of thinking develops.

I need to fill my mind and soul with gratitude. I want my brain to get the memo–we are switching it up to a more positive perspective. I can choose the words I speak over my life, but I need to be intentional about it.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Romans 12:2 NLT

I’ve been practicing mindfulness in this area. This is what it looks like:

Complaining

Gratitude

Why is this so hard?

I can do anything through Christ.

I’d rather be doing something else.

I am exactly where I need to be.

I’m too hot.

I have air conditioning (thank you, Lord).

What’s something you’ve been complaining about? How can you flip that complaint into gratitude? Please share in the comments so we can all be encouraged.

Attitude

Ouch, Said Accountability

Jaime

When someone criticizes me–even if it’s constructive–I can feel my walls going up, my heart putting on its protective gear.

But sometimes we need to hear this stuff, as hard as it may be.

Just the other day, I had a tough conversation with someone close to me. Some valid points were made and needed to be said, but I’ll admit–it hurt like hell to hear them.

My initial reaction was to defend myself, which I did for a bit. When our talk was over, I was left to choke on the feedback I had received. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard.

I decided to go for a drive to process things. I was angry and confused. Was what they said true?

I called some friends for prayer AND because I knew they would co-sign my stuff. I wanted them to tell me that it was an exaggeration. I wanted them to tell me that is wasn’t true–but they didn’t answer.

In between sobs, the Word of God spoke to my heart through worship music. As painful as it was to fully engage with my feelings, I knew I was supposed to be in this exact place. I wasn’t meant to lean on or be comforted by anyone except for God.

What usually follows an episode like this is a big-old butt-kicking of my own doing and guilt for days. Instead, I felt this odd peace and conviction-not guilt-conviction. At that moment, I knew the feedback I had received was accurate. The messenger loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but we are called to hold each other accountable as brothers and sisters in Christ.

I chose to leave my pride at the cross and accept this as a growth opportunity. There was no booty kicking or guilt to speak of.

I know that God loves me as is, but I also know that He wants me to continue growing–and this was an opportunity to do so.

It’s in those times of deep sadness and pain that chains have been broken in my life. And in those times God has never left my side.

Who is helping you maintain accountability in your walk?

Mental Health

Mangled Mind

Jaime

Yesterday was a rough day. I found myself connecting more with the mangled than the masterpiece.

I was involved in a battle, a spiritual one. It was like an arm-wrestling match between lies and truth. The truth kept me in the game, but the lies were strong.

What did this look like?

Unhealthy thoughts, insecurities, and anxiety.

What did I do?

  • I shared it with my women’s group. I know full well that when I keep this stuff in the dark, the enemy feeds on it. I felt extremely vulnerable after sharing BUT my desire to live in the freedom that Jesus has given trumps all else.
  • I went to a pool party/bible study. I forced myself to go when all I wanted to do was isolate. I knew if I went with a servants heart, I’d feel better. A good time was had, AND as usual, God provided the exact words I needed to hear through a fellow believer’s reading of Scripture. He is such a personal God.

Through this situation, I learned something (always growing and learning); My pride is still alive and kicking, and I may not be as humble as I thought.

On most days the truth can slam lies down with little effort. What I need to do is remain close to the Source and stay away from things that don’t serve me well.

I am a work in progress, who is dearly loved.

What keeps you grounded in the truth?

Dependence on God

Dependence Day

Jaime

July 4th is a day often celebrated with barbecues, parades, and fireworks. Independence Day is something to celebrate. But this made me think… is there such a thing as too much independence?

I was so excited when I first moved to my very own apartment. I had my own space and didn’t have to answer to anyone. All decisions were mine to make. I was the controller of my life, Miss Independent.

I had an “I can do it myself” attitude, similar to a two-year-old.

This mindset led to massive amounts of pressure on myself. When unable to meet my monumental expectations, I’d melt into a muddy puddle on the floor.

I only have myself to depend on

Being fully independent wasn’t what I’d envisioned. So, I did what any 20 something would do; I went on a relationship hunt. Upon retrieving my prey, I’d quickly realize that others—like myself—couldn’t be depended on 100% of the time.

I now understand that all humans are flawed. We mess up. We let people down. It’s not always on purpose; it just comes with the territory. We are imperfect people.

This would’ve been discouraging if it ended there, but it didn’t.

I’ve heard lots of “Trust God, Have Faith” statements since hanging around the church. But if I can’t entirely depend on myself or others, what makes God trustworthy?

People let you down

His dependability became apparent as I studied His attributes:

He never changes, ever.

He is all-knowing.

He is faithful.

He has the full picture of my life from beginning to end. He sees what no one else can. Besides that, He has personally shown up during the difficult times and uncertainties in my life. He has proven his dependability—not just in my life—but in the lives of those who came before me. It’s scattered throughout His Word.

You can depend on God

I AM an independent woman. I’m still free to make my own choices and decisions. The difference now is I choose to pray for guidance before making them; I choose to do what’s right even if I’m not “feeling” it; I choose to give all outcomes to The One who is dependable.

What prevents you from fully depending on God?

Identity

Not Ashamed

Jaime

Hi, my name is Jaime and I love Jesus.

There have been times I’ve wanted to introduce myself this way, just to get it out of the way. My anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies come up when I talk about my faith with unbelievers.

I want people to like me for who I am, regardless of my beliefs. I don’t want to be lumped into a category of people that have misrepresented his name. Besides that, once you mention the name of Jesus an automatic line is drawn in the sand.

I’m placing the fear of opinions above my faith

This is not in alignment with who I claim to be.

No one likes to be judged. We all want to be seen and accepted for who we are as people, not by our choices or preferences. But the truth is we’ve all judged and been judged in one way or another.

Then there’s Jesus. The one who sees all my faults and mistakes. He knows my history of disdain towards him, yet he dies for me. I spit on him, brutally attack him and mock him, yet he dies for me.

How can I be ashamed of the one who gave his life for me, for the one who solidified my own personal “I am.”

I am making a decision;

I will not be ashamed

I can’t talk the talk and not walk it. I need to walk it. I WANT to.

I need to make sure that I’m keeping it real, which for me means not shying away from speaking about the one who saved me from myself. With that being said, I’m not trying to convert you (well maybe a little) when I talk about him. He is just so much a part of my life, I can’t NOT talk about him. It wouldn’t be authentic.

Now that I have made this choice, it seems appropriate to give him a proper shout out:

Give me a J….

Give me an E…

Give me an S…

Give me a U…

Give me an S…

What’s that spell?

JESUS!!! hoots and haws in the background.

What fears stand in the way of your truth?

Attitude, Thought Life

But I Want To

Jaime

The food we eat affects our state of mind and overall health. In order to be fit and healthy, we need to eat well. I’ve realized over time that the same goes for my spiritual and emotional well being.

I started watching a new television series about the struggles of young adults. It has lots of explicit content.

I know what my own personal struggles and temptations are and often try to stay away from content that feeds the beasts. This show is not healthy for me to watch, yet I’m drawn to it.

The things we watch affect our minds and hearts

This is not a “though shall not” thing, more of a “this stuff seeps into my mind and heart” thing.

I’ve come to realize that my mind and heart are not always dependable when it comes to decision making. I can manipulate myself into thinking anything is right for me if I want to.

I am good at rationalizing things. For instance, I want to author books for young adults. I’d also like to mentor young women. This show could potentially help me to understand what it’s like to live as a young woman in this day and age. Therefore, its research. Boom!

I can’t undo the things I’ve seen and heard. They have played a part in my life in one way or another. Adding more length to the reel doesn’t serve me well…

But I want to watch it.

This is where I have to make a choice.

We can’t undo what we’ve seen

Will I submit to my fleshly desires and continue watching? Am I willing to accept the consequences? Do I want to regress to former ways of thinking and old patterns of behaviors?

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I do know what’s best for me, but I don’t always choose that route.

What’s your “But I want to?”

Attitude

Recycled

Jaime

There is lots of waste in the world. Thankfully, recycling has helped with the process of converting waste into reusable material.

This got me thinking about times in my life that I perceived as wasteful. Poor decisions, hard lessons, times of suffering, and despair. I’d often find myself in the role of victim: “why me, why this?”

What was the point of it all?

What if all we’ve been through wasn’t pointless but for a greater purpose?

This has helped me to view my experiences differently.

Would I repeat some of the things I’ve done in my life? Nope, BUT I wouldn’t take them back either. I’ve seen God recycle the messes I’ve made into reusable goods.

Instead of kicking my crap to the curb and burning it, I’ve decided to put mine in storage, saving it for opportunities to support, love and walk alongside others in need.

Together We Can

Benefits of recycling:

–Less pollution: healthier relationships, community.

–Saves energy: resentments burn our time and energy. Forgiveness and kindness refuel.

–Conserves valuable resources: We are God’s most valuable resource. Let’s support each other so we can be the people He created us to be.

What experiences in your life can be used to help someone else?