Category: Identity

Identity

Breaking Through Religion To Get To The Relationship: Discovering your true identity in Christ.

Jaime

Before getting into the identity piece, let’s start with defining religion and relationship, specifically as they relate to Christianity.

What is Religion? 

A set of beliefs, practices, and rituals relating to faith that includes works, emphasizing our efforts to gain God’s acceptance.

What is a Relationship?

It is an intimate and secure bond between us and God (not to be mistaken as a relationship of equals). We are accepted by grace through faith because of what HE did through Jesus.

How do these two things affect our identity?

Identity in Religion

Who you are and how God sees you is based upon YOUR works. You are favored when doing what you are “supposed” to do but guilty and unloved when you fail. This puts all responsibility on you, resulting in an unstable and insecure identity that changes depending on your efforts.

Identity in Relationship

Who you are and how God sees you is based on HIS doing. God is who He says He is, which means we are who He says we are. As our Creator, God is the only one with authority to define us, and since there is nothing we can do to earn his acceptance, we remain stable and secure in the works that have already been done through Jesus. Therefore, our identity never changes.

What do you struggle with when it comes to the issue of identity?

Dependence on God, Identity, Support

Why Do We Suffer Alone?

Jaime

After church on Sunday, I stayed for prayer. I was struggling. After praying with a sister in Christ, we started chatting. She, too, suffers like I do. We discussed how easy it is to talk about the minor, everyday transgressions but not the deep, dark stuff. The stuff that keeps us enslaved, preventing us from living in the freedom Jesus provided. 

So, why IS it so hard to talk about these things?

Fear

Fear of judgment

Fear of embarrassment

Fear of not being accepted

If anyone ever knew_____ then_____ (fill in the blanks).

We are called to confess our sins and pray for each other that we may be healed (James 5:16), yet we still fear what others will think about us. Your feelings are legit. We are human and DO have opinions and feelings about situations and behaviors we are unfamiliar with. And, we need to put our fleshly biases aside and be open to hearing people’s stories, walking alongside them, even if/when we don’t understand.

Sins kept in the darkness result in decay, isolation, shame, and guilt. All things Jesus died for. When we expose them to the light, they begin to lose their power (Romans 6:18).

Where do we start?

God

-Repent and thank HIM for the forgiveness already given through Jesus’ sacrifice.

-Ask God to give you the courage to expose your “stuff” to the light. Stop relying on yourself and ask for help. 

-Pray for trustworthy, faith-filled, walking-the-walk-type individuals to come into your life (an individual/mentor or group).

-Join a small group. If you can’t find one, start one.

-Don’t give in when the enemy tries to convince you to keep it a secret (whatever IT is) because he will. He’s a liar and doesn’t want you moving closer to God.

-Don’t allow your feelings to lead the way. Obedience to God’s word will not lead you astray (be doers of the word and not just hearers- James 1:22).

You’d be surprised how many others relate and share in your suffering. It only takes one person’s vulnerability to create an environment of safety and connection.

What is one thing you can do today to move towards the light?

Identity, Thought Life, Uncategorized

How To Let Go Of Control

Jaime

Lately, I’ve been obsessing about my physical appearance. I got new make-up (was way too excited when it arrived) and just made another purchase last night. I’ve also wanted a new wardrobe (even though I hardly leave my house these days).

I truly thought I was focusing on appearance, but then I realized it’s not about what I look like (well, maybe a little). It’s my way of managing things when I feel powerless in other areas of my life.

Control gives the illusion of security and safety. It might make us feel better in the moment but ultimately ends up confusing our priorities and choices. If we take the layer of control away, we often see that there are deeper issues involved.

What steps can we take to become less controlling?

  1. Awareness

 Identify the situations you find yourself being controlling.

Some might be;

-house needs to be clean

–appearance needs to be flawless

-need to do it all (perfect mom, wife, employee)

-relationships (boyfriend, husband, kids)

If you are having a hard time pinpointing areas;

-ask someone close to you what they see (others can oftentimes see things that we can’t).

-ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these areas in your life.

2. Need

What is underneath the behavior? What is this control fulfilling? 

There is something you are getting from it. Some examples of underlying needs;

-self-esteem, insecurity (i.e., feeling “good enough”)

-anxiety (i.e., predictability, stability)

-trust (i.e., protection from being hurt)

3. Choice

Ask yourself; are these behaviors working for me?

If not, start with changing one (only one) of the situations you’ve identified. Your flesh will fight you on this, but it’s about training your mind and not allowing your feelings to run the show, especially when you’re uncomfortable (and you will be at the beginning).

4. Pray

-for the strengthening of your mind

-for increased faith and trust in God (in general and in the specific situations you are working on)

-for wisdom as you move forward with the process.

I highly encourage getting an accountability partner. It’s hard to do this stuff on our own. If you can’t think of someone, feel free to contact me, and I can help.

Where do you struggle with control the most?

Identity

Unloveable

Jaime

Have you ever felt unworthy of love?

There is a story about two sisters; the younger one (Rachel) is smoking hot (my interpretation). The other (Leah), not so much. A man named Jacob comes on the scene, instantly falling in love with Rachel. On the night he is supposed to marry her, the father of the bride tricks Jacob, giving him Leah to be his wife (not exactly sure how this went down other than total darkness and intoxication playing a part).

Hubby is pissed off, rightly so. Wifey doesn’t feel desired by him. She knows that he has eyes for her sister.

God saw that Leah was unloved, so He enabled her to have children. After bearing 6 of them, she thought for sure her husband would love her, but she never felt this from him.

This story reminds me of how often we base our worth on the opinions of others. Our experiences and interactions throughout our lives can cause us to internalize the message, “I’m unloveable.”

I was “Team Leah,” hoping she’d be fully seen and known by Jacob, but it didn’t work out that way. But God, God saw her and loved her so much. He blessed her by having her offspring play an intricate part in the 12 tribes of Israel, not to mention one of them being in the lineage of Jesus.

God is so in love with you. If you ever find yourself questioning your worth or how loved you are, I hope you’ll remember this;

You were worth dying for.

Repeat After Me: “I am loved”

Identity, Thought Life

Flip It

Jaime

Did you know that tomorrow is “opposite day?” I didn’t realize this was a thing.

To celebrate, I was hoping you’d be down for a little experiment. Let me explain before I scare you away.

Our thoughts often create our reality, and many times they are untrue statements. Increased awareness of what we think allows us to identify false beliefs, stop them in their tracks, and replace them with truth. Here’s an example;

Limiting thought: “I messed up again; I’m so stupid.”

Flip It: “Nope, we are not going there. Yes, you messed up, but you’re not stupid. You are learning, AND this mess up doesn’t define you.”

Make Sense?

Over the next 24 hours (starting at midnight), I’m encouraging you to keep track of your thoughts. When unhealthy, self-defeating, untrue thoughts pass by (because they will), challenge them, flip em and counteract.

But how do I know what is true, you might be asking?

What God says about us is true. Test all thoughts against His Word. If it doesn’t match up, slay that thought with your pink sparkly sword. Oh, wait, that’s mine.

Let’s Do This!

Happy Opposite Day!

What thoughts of yours could use some flipping?

Attitude, Identity, Thought Life

It’s Not Me, It’s Them

Jaime

The world is full of broken people. I’m one of them.

Genocide, Human Trafficking, Homelessness, Politics. Watching the news for any length of time shows this reality. It’s easy to point fingers and blame others for the condition of our world, but do we ever think about our contribution?

“But I’m a good person,” I’d tell myself as I stole money from dad’s wallet. “If I didn’t have this drug habit, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

“But I’m a good person,” I’d reason while fooling around with someone’s boyfriend. “I’m deserving of love and attention too.”

“And anyway, I volunteer at a crisis center and work in a group home, so it balances things out. It’s not like I’m hurting anybody.” Talk about a screwy way of thinking.

Being so focused on my needs and desires, I genuinely convinced myself that my choices didn’t affect others. Isn’t this what we do? We rationalize and justify our behaviors and decisions.

This post is not meant to elicit feelings of guilt or shame but rather to encourage an honest look at our part in things. Our perceptions, assumptions, past experiences, egos, pride, and lots of other things drive our choices. 

“We” are not the problem, but the truth is, we all contribute to the brokenness of this world. The harsh reality is that this world is getting worse, but we, as individuals and disciples of Christ, are called to be a light in the broken places. 

How?

  • Be humble (talking to myself here). We don’t always need to be right.
  • Be respectful, regardless of others’ opinions or beliefs.
  • Self-Inventory. Keep track of your thoughts. Where do they come from? How are they steering your decisions (even in the little things)?
  • Keep your side of the street clean. Regardless of what anyone else is doing or saying, do what God is calling you to do or be.
  • Love Hard! It’s not easy but needed.
  • Keep your eyes fixed on what’s to come. This is not the finale.

Would you pray with me?

Lord, please help us by shining a light into the dark places of our minds and hearts. Use us as you please for your purposes, until you come back and fix all brokenness once and for all. Amen.

Identity

Who Do You Think You Are?

Jaime

I think it’s about time we stop letting the world define us. So here goes:

You are not your roles at home or work.

You are not your decisions.

You are not your mistakes or failures.

You are not your thoughts or emotions.

You are not what others say about you.

You are not what you say about yourself.

You are not your circumstances.

You are not your diagnosis.

You are not your perceptions.

You are not your past.

You are not your talents or gifts.

You are not your success or financial status.

You, are not who you think you are.

You are a child of God. Period.

Drugs, Identity, Thought Life

Stand Tall

Jaime

You messed up again

The cycle repeats

Your gut says to hide

Your mind screams defeat

Chock full of failure

You trip and you fall

His voice then reminds you

My daughter, stand tall

Your heart is broken

You thought it would last

He told you forever

But now its the past

You gave it away

You wait for his call

A song then reminds you

My daughter, stand tall

You said you were done

But you couldn’t resist

You love how it feels

A comfort you’ve missed

You had one month clean

Shame makes you feel small

You remember a verse

My daughter, stand tall

You cover it up

Your starting to doubt

You quickly forget

What the Gospel’s about

No matter the wrong

The truth trumps it all

Remember your father

My daughter, stand tall.

What failures or mistakes are you holding onto?

Identity, Thought Life

Happy Birthday

Jaime

Did you know that God smiled the day you were born?

Some of you might not think this is true. You may have been told that you were a mistake.

Maybe you survived an abortion or were born addicted to drugs. You might have been an “oopsie baby” or a result of rape. Whatever the case, you were meant to be here. Not only that, but you are a blessing.

We allow others to tell us who we are or aren’t, engraving their words into our hearts as we walk around this world with our heads hanging low.

If you only knew…

How precious you are, intricately made by a powerful Father who does not make mistakes.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but someone does.

Babies are born every single day, so I know it’s someone’s birthday today: Whoever and wherever you are, Happy Birthday. Here’s to you my friend. It’s an honor to celebrate your life.

Now, blow out the candles!

Whose life can you help celebrate today?

Identity, Thought Life

Move, Get Out The Way.

Jaime

Do you ever find yourself getting in the way of your hopes and dreams?

A new relationship was on the horizon, but it ended before having a chance to blossom. The risk of getting your heart broken was too much to bear. A potential job opportunity presented itself, but you didn’t apply. The other applicants were more qualified.

Sometimes, our past experiences shape how we function in the present. Other times, our insecurities and doubts get the best of us. If my past relationship didn’t work out, why would this one? I’ve been rejected by three companies, why would this be any different?

When we let these things get in the way of our goals and plans, we are self-sabotaging.

If we dig deep, we find fear, distrust, and insecurity ingrained into our thinking. This affects our decision-making process. Unfortunately, the results are lost opportunities and blessings.

It’s normal to feel these things–so let’s not beat ourselves up for it–but we can feel certain ways and move through them (I know, not easy).

Pray for courage.

Trust in God’s plan for the situation.

Do it, anyway.

Listen to God’s voice and let Him guide you in all that you do.

Sure, there is a risk of heartbreak, but what if this is the person you are meant to spend your life with? Yes, there might be others more qualified than you, but then again, there might be something about you that stands out against the rest.

You won’t know unless you try. So, get out of your own way. And remember, the outcome doesn’t change who you are.

What are you standing in the way of?