Category: Mental Health

Anxiety Series

Prepare For Battle – Day 1

Jaime

I’ve struggled with anxiety to varying degrees throughout my life. Once I became a Christian and began reading God’s Word, I realized how many passages addressed the issue of anxiety, telling me not to be anxious.

I understood that I wasn’t supposed to be anxious, but I still was, and where was the how-to section?

Some of us might have confided in our church family only to have been told;

  • You’re not trusting God
  • “Be anxious for nothing” or quoting other scriptures
  • You don’t need medication. God can heal you.
  • Pray harder

I honestly thought that something was wrong with me. I must be a “bad Christian.”

Over time I realized that nothing was wrong with me. I was human. God created us with a fight or flight response which tells me that anxiety is part of the human experience.

I want to draw your attention to Luke 22: 42-44. We see Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane. He knows what’s about to go down. This is his prayer;

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me, yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”

Luke 22:42-44 NIV

Jesus is anxious. He is experiencing human emotions. In the midst of this, we witness his obedience and also get a glimpse of the spiritual tools that are available to help him cope. Those same tools are available to us.

We may never be free from anxiety (not in this lifetime, anyway), but partnering with God gives us the power to battle anxiety.

I think that’s worth repeating,

Partnering with God gives us the power to battle anxiety.

In what ways have you struggled with anxiety?

Mental Health

What If There Was More To Suffering Than Meets The Eye?

Jaime

Do you enjoy suffering? If you had three wishes, would they be pain, distress, and hardship? I’m not a mind reader, but I think the answer would be a hard NO.

If I had to explain my feelings about having a mental illness, I’d compare it to kale; I hate it, I don’t want it, it’s gross (in my opinion). Yet, it’s good for me (stay with me). AND if you blend it with some pineapple, yogurt, bananas, and honey, it’s not so bad.

Focusing on the suckiness of my illness kept me in dark places, but through reading God’s Word and studying the topic of suffering, my perspective started to shift. He revealed to me that there was a purpose behind the pain.

I am a strong-willed, stubborn girl, and God knows that. He knew which path would build my character and prepare me for his purposes. My suffering has not been wasted. God has transformed my afflictions into encouragement for others.

Even though I still wouldn’t raise my hand for more pain, I do understand that sometimes it takes pain to help us on the journey of becoming who we are meant to be.

After all, God is in the business of blending burdens into blessings.

How has the path of suffering served you or others?

Mental Health

Dear Anxiety

Jaime

Dear Anxiety,

A lot is going on in the world right now. I can feel you lurking beneath the surface. It’s during these times when you awaken from hibernation.

I know you think you’re protecting me, but you’re not. The truth is, you make me nuts. Hanging out with you causes a physical reaction and an excavating of all rational thinking. You plant seeds of worry that grow into skyscrapers.

You’ve ruled my days, preventing me from enjoying the precious moments in life. You were my default for the big and little things. You advised my choices and influenced my reactions. You came at me hard after my daughter was born, making me believe she was going to die.

You’ve forced yourself upon me. I never felt like I had a choice, but now it’s different.

I’ve been training for battle. I’m heavily armed. My greatest weapon?

The Truth

Truth tells me that I no longer have to engage with you. I get to choose whether or not I accept your thoughts and feelings. Even when my breath is shallow and incessant thoughts circle my brain, I Get To Choose.

I acknowledge your presence, but you will no longer control me. My choice partnered with God’s power is indestructible. And even though you still exist, I know how the story ends.

Spoiler Alert: you don’t survive.

Mental Health, Thought Life

Compromised Mind

Jaime

This past week it felt like someone tied me up, put tape over my mouth, and made me sit in a corner, forcing me to watch my life as a spectator.

When my mental health is compromised, I feel so disconnected from my life. One moment, I feel like a robotic sociopath, numbness permeating my entire being. The next, I feel like a raging lunatic, ready to take on whoever looks at me wrong. It makes no sense, but it feels real. 

It’s a straight-up battle in my mind.

Negative thoughts and false beliefs come with fists swinging. Luckily, I’m prepared. Armor blocks the unhealthy thoughts, the truth slaying them on the spot.

I still FEEL crappy.

The thoughts still come.

Yet, TRUTH keeps me grounded. My identity remains impenetrable.

What battles have challenged your identity?

Mental Health, Suicide

Step Aside, Suicide

Jaime

Once upon a time, there was a prison guard. His primary responsibility was making sure no inmates escaped.

Two men sit in prison. They were severely beaten and incarcerated because of the message they were preaching.

An earthquake shakes the foundation of the prison, causing all doors to open.

Assuming the prisoners escaped, the guard draws his sword, preparing to take his own life. BUT, before he could follow through, one of the inmates shout: “Stop, don’t do it. We are still here.”

The guard did not take his own life. He instead decided to accept the message provided by the two men. His life was forever changed.

This story can be found in Acts 16.

I wonder about this prison guard. What had his life been like? What would it have felt like to blow the one responsibility I had? Would I have known that the consequence for the guard not fulfilling his duties would most likely be death?

Out of all people to encourage this hopeless man, it was an inmate who was beaten, chained, and thrown in prison. Without him, the guard would be dead. Why did the prisoner choose to do this?

He was paying forward what had been given to him.

People are suffering.

It’s easy to judge and let our opinions run rampant when we haven’t been in someone else’s shoes and don’t understand the “why’s.”

What if we started asking more questions and getting to know people’s stories? What if we were increasingly vulnerable about our struggles, decreasing feelings of loneliness and isolation? What if we viewed every single person as a child of God?

What we say and do matters. The way we treat people matters.

Unworthy is a belief of many in despair. If they only knew how cherished and loved they were.

Let us be His hands and feet.

Drugs, Identity, Mental Health

Letter To My Junior High Self

Jaime

Dear 12-Year-Old Me,

I know life is hard right now. All you can see is what’s here and now. There is so much more to come…

You are in the midst of an awkward phase (totally normal, btw). Don’t waste your time trying to fit in. Appreciate who you were created to be. Haters are going to hate. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Those who appear perfect, aren’t. What you see is not always what you get. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes. Be kind and compassionate. Don’t play the comparison game. We were all created with different gifts and strengths. Appreciate them and use yours wisely.

How you look doesn’t define you. I repeat, how you look doesn’t define you. Don’t internalize what the media or boys think are attractive. Focus on what the God of the universe says about you. One size doesn’t fit all.

Calm your hormones girl! I know how loud they are, but they do not need to rule over you. Learn your value as a young woman according to Gods Word. See his expectations of you through the lens of value vs. fear. You are so precious to him.

Don’t party so much. I know you think it’s fun, but there are going to be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences down the road.

Be nicer to mom and dad. They love you so much. They are not superheroes, but flawed human beings like the rest of us. Be respectful. They will be around for the long haul when many others won’t.

I know you think you have it all figured out, but you don’t. Life is going to take you on a ride. You are not the controller of the universe (even though you want to be).

And finally…

You are loved more than you can ever imagine.

P.S. It’s not all about you. The sooner you learn this, the better.

Love,

Future Self

Mental Health, Support

#Music

Jaime

Music has always played a huge role in my life. It’s been my therapist, friend, anger management outlet, and more.

When unable to put feelings into words, this song acted as my translator:

Music Puts The Pieces Together

This song reminds me that I can’t do this life on my own, nor do I need to:

What songs have played a big part in your past and present?

Mental Health

Mangled Mind

Jaime

Yesterday was a rough day. I found myself connecting more with the mangled than the masterpiece.

I was involved in a battle, a spiritual one. It was like an arm-wrestling match between lies and truth. The truth kept me in the game, but the lies were strong.

What did this look like?

Unhealthy thoughts, insecurities, and anxiety.

What did I do?

  • I shared it with my women’s group. I know full well that when I keep this stuff in the dark, the enemy feeds on it. I felt extremely vulnerable after sharing BUT my desire to live in the freedom that Jesus has given trumps all else.
  • I went to a pool party/bible study. I forced myself to go when all I wanted to do was isolate. I knew if I went with a servants heart, I’d feel better. A good time was had, AND as usual, God provided the exact words I needed to hear through a fellow believer’s reading of Scripture. He is such a personal God.

Through this situation, I learned something (always growing and learning); My pride is still alive and kicking, and I may not be as humble as I thought.

On most days the truth can slam lies down with little effort. What I need to do is remain close to the Source and stay away from things that don’t serve me well.

I am a work in progress, who is dearly loved.

What keeps you grounded in the truth?

Drugs, Mental Health, Support

I Want To Get High

Jaime

I’ve seen many anti-drug commercials, but one stood out to me the most.

Three teenage boys sit on a couch. They are not in jail, haven’t been in a car accident, and are not dead. Fast forward to the future. They haven’t moved. They sit on the same couch. Even though the consequences don’t seem severe they are not living up to their full potential.

I can’t help but wonder about these boys. Why were they choosing to confine themselves to a couch instead of experiencing life?

I then realized, I chose that very same path.

They are not living up to their full potential

Like a warm blanket, drugs covered my insecurity and anxiety. Numbing my worries and temporarily blocking problems from my consciousness.

Eventually, the drugs started to feel more like a wet blanket. My insecurities worsened and I began to isolate. I’d sit watching television for hours at a time, sometimes days. The depression and anxiety following the come down was terrible-so I’d stay high, and the cycle repeated.

I wasn’t living life to my fullest potential. I knew this, even with all the discomfort and chaos happening internally.

But knowing and doing are two separate things.

I eventually got clean and sober. At the age of 27.

My emotional maturity level was that of a teenager, the same age I started using. Drugs had been my primary coping method for so long. I now had to learn to deal with life and feelings.

With the help of 12 step meetings, therapy, doctors, friends, family, and God, I started down this road of mental healthiness (I think I just made that up).

I dealt with what I needed to and in the process discovered purpose and passions I never knew I had.

I eventually got clean and sober

If I kept numbing myself I might still be on that same couch today (probably a newer couch, but you get the point) or worse. I wouldn’t be living for what I have been purposed for.

Each one of us is created with gifts and talents. Every. Single. One.

If you are under the influence and reading this, you were created for a purpose.

If you are anxious, depressed, angry, hurt, manic and everything else in between, you were created for a purpose.

Whoever you are, you were created for a purpose.

What’s getting in the way of reaching your full potential?

Raining In My Head
Mental Health

It’s Always Raining In My Head

Jaime

I sit in a pit that’s dark and deep

My body bruised and bloody

It hurts too much even to weep

The ground is cold and muddy

I tuck my knees into my chest

Soothing myself by rocking

The pain of life that I digest

The door of death keeps knocking

My thoughts tell me that I’m no good

I’m damaged, bad, and broken

I’d change things if I felt I could

My destiny has spoken

My future filled with fear and dread

I’m just so sick of trying

It’s always raining in my head

I can’t stop thoughts of dying

I sit with you inside the pit

I’m right here by your side

Your mind can’t comprehend it

Through all those fears and lies

I hold you as you’re rocking

My heart breaks for your pain

These chains that need unlocking

My death was for your gain

Your thoughts do not define you

You rot in your own prison

You’ve been deceived and lied to

For this reason, I have risen

The future cannot harm you

When your life belongs to me

The clouds part to a sky thats blue

I ‘ve come to set you free

Below are some links to resources for anyone struggling with depression or any other mental health issues.


https://www.dbsalliance.org

https://www.nami.org